Man considers reaching out to dangerous former friend

Dear Abby: I cut off contact with a friend I’ll call “Mick” after my wife and I had our first child. He was a gambling addict, an alcoholic and a serial abuser of women. He was violent when he drank and once broke my nose because of some perceived slight.

Mick had a troubled childhood and then served in Afghanistan and Iraq. By the time he returned home, his mental health was compromised, and I believe this is what led to most of his issues.

I have always believed that, at heart, Mick is a good person. As someone who suffers from mental illness myself, I feel I can understand his issues on some level. I would like to reconnect with him, but I need to protect myself and my family. How might I approach rekindling a

relationship with Mick in a safe and reasonable way? —

Missing A Friend

Dear Missing: Drop that idea. You are not a therapist, and you can’t “fix” what’s wrong with Mick. The man is a violent abuser, and you have no proof that he has sought counseling for his issues. Offering the hand of friendship to someone who broke your nose because he had been drinking could be dangerous for you and your family. Your first responsibility is their safety.

Dear Abby: My friend and I befriended the most adorable older couple. They invite us over and they love lunching together. They are terrific, and we always enjoy our time with them.

During our last visit, they were cooking lunch, and it was apparent that they don’t wash their hands when preparing food. Because of the coronavirus, we aren’t comfortable eating at their house anymore. We would be happy to bring something over, but they are set in their ways and like to prepare their own food. We tried saying we can’t stay for lunch, but once we are with them, they start putting out the food. What advice can you give us? — Staying Safe In California

Dear Staying Safe: Go online and check to see whether you can pick up the coronavirus from food. One would think that if the food is hot, the virus wouldn’t survive the cooking process. Have you considered inviting them to your place instead?

If you think this charming couple’s food puts you at risk of catching something unpleasant, the next time you are invited, lower your risk by bringing food for all of you. If they argue, tell them you are reciprocating their hospitality, which may have been one-sided if you have eaten there often. However, if they question you further, tell them the truth. While it may cool the relationship, it will increase your chances of staying healthy.