Deleted texts to new friend arouse wife’s suspicions

Dear Abby: My husband is currently at a job that, at first, he complained was a “drag,” but later became OK.

A new male employee was hired — a man who is on his second marriage — and he became friendly with my husband. Over the last few months he and my husband have started texting quite often.

One day I confronted my husband after I checked his phone to see what they were texting. I saw he had deleted some messages, even one he had shared with me. He admitted that he asked him about his first marriage and divorce since we were having some issues.

When my husband drinks at home, he with texts him until he goes to bed. He deletes all those messages too. What do you think is going on? — Suspicious In Texas

Dear Suspicious: What I think is going on is less important than what you think is going on. It appears your husband has found a kindred spirit in this new employee — or something more. Dumping on his co-worker about problems in your marriage won’t lead to satisfactory conclusions.

The two of you need to resolve your issues — including the fact that you no longer trust him — by talking them through with a licensed marriage and family counselor. Please don’t wait.

Dear Abby: I was involved in a nearly fatal car accident some years ago. People are always telling me I should be over it by now, and there shouldn’t be any more complaints or pain.

I’m still healing emotionally, and have lifelong injuries. My back is in constant pain, and I can no longer lift anything. I also get daily horrific migraines. Because of that, I lost the best job I ever had.

People can be insensitive, patronizing and just plain rude if I mention my issues. Most times I respond aggressively; at others, I try my best not to be offended. While I don’t want or need pity, the fact that my near-death experience is shrugged off bothers me. What more can I do? Or should I just stay silent and count my blessings? — Survivor In Missouri

Dear Survivor: There is nothing more you can do, other than politely refuse if you are asked to do something that’s now beyond your capacity. As you have discovered, responding aggressively is counterproductive.

Because these individuals have conveyed that they no longer want to hear about your accident, you may have to confide in a willing friend or a licensed therapist when you need to get things off your chest. The latter might be more satisfying than trying to talk to people who can no longer tolerate hearing about something they have no solution for.