Cross-dressing causes fracture in a solid longtime marriage

Dear Abby: My husband recently discovered that he likes wearing women’s clothes. It started with him wearing women’s underwear under his clothes, which didn’t bother me. I even bought him a few pairs, but it has progressed quickly.

He assures me that he isn’t gay, he does not want to become a woman or want to dress in women’s clothes full time. However, some of his behaviors have changed, and his wearing women’s clothing has increased. When I tried discussing my concerns with him, he said I was being irrational. We fought, and I thought we had worked some things out, but he still has an attitude.

I’m terrified that this is the end of my marriage. But I also don’t know just how much of this I can accept or how far he wants to go. He says if I can’t accept it, he will stop. But we will both know that he has that desire, and I don’t want to stifle something that seems to mean so much to him. — Struggling In Florida

Dear Struggling: Take the opportunity to learn all you can about crossdressing. More men than you may think engage in it, and the majority are heterosexual. An excellent support group for cross-dressers and wives of men who need (not “like”) to cross-dress is The Society for the Second Self (Tri Ess). Its website is tri-ess.org. Go there and you will find the support and answers you’re looking for.

Keep the lines of communication with your husband open and honest. Only the two of you can determine how to navigate through this. For many couples, it’s not necessarily a deal-breaker.

Dear Abby: When I was 21, I got pregnant with “Earl,” a guy who had nothing to his name but a bicycle. I was working and he was a stay-at-home dad, and I couldn’t stand it.

Five years later, I married a very wealthy man, moved to another country and lived a life of luxury. We split and I moved back. I’m still well off on my own.

Earl is a totally different man now. I have fallen head over heels for him. He has become everything I’ve always wanted. Our son wasn’t crazy about it at first (he’s 18), but now loves it. Do you think we have a fighting chance? — New Expat In Nevada

Dear New Expat: Do the two of you have a fighting chance? Absolutely. However it is important that you discuss this with an attorney and have in place a signed prenuptial agreement. While it may not seem romantic, it’s the intelligent thing to do.