Late-night smoking clouds neighbors’ sweet dreams

Dear Abby: I bought a house three years ago. What we didn’t know prior to moving in was that our next-door neighbor smokes cigarettes.

During the summer, we like to sleep with the windows open. When our neighbor steps outside for a cigarette, the smoke drifts into our bedroom.

At first, I thought they didn’t realize that the smoke was bothering us. Eventually I began to get upset. I have made a point of loudly slamming the windows shut, hoping it would make them stop. There is no way they don’t hear the noise.

It is not an everyday occurrence. It happens late at night or early in the morning. I don’t know if this is how they handle insomnia or what.

There’s no landlord to complain to because they own their home. After all these years, we have never introduced ourselves to each other, and I don’t believe they care to know us any more than we care to get to know them. What do we do? — Hates The Smoke In Oregon

Dear Hates: Your letter illustrates the disadvantages of isolationism. Had you made a point of introducing yourself when you (or they) moved in, you wouldn’t have needed to write to me now.

Slamming your window shut is not a friendly or efficient way to communicate because these people are not mind readers. Going next door, introducing yourself, politely explaining that there’s a problem and asking if they could smoke on the other side of their house, away from your bedroom window, would be better. If you can’t bring yourself to do that, write a letter — but keep it civil — and tell them in simple language that you would appreciate their cooperation in solving this problem.

Dear Abby: During the last four or five years, everything has become about politics for my husband. I have no interest in hearing about politics. How can I get him to stop going on and on about what he reads or hears? So far, I haven’t been successful, and we end up arguing. Must I take an interest in it for his sake? Do you see any room for a compromise? — Don’t

Show Me In Missouri

Dear Don’t: To some degree, you have to allow your husband to vent. Because we are in an important election year, there is no escaping the subject. If you listen, you may learn something. Limit the amount of time you spend listening, but I don’t recommend cutting him off. I’m willing to bet that you sometimes bring up subjects that may be less than fascinating for him, too. Tolerance and a willingness to compromise are two of the ingredients in a healthy marriage.