Financial survivor’s guilt

Being spared while others suffer

Financial therapist Lindsay Bryan-Podvin of Ann Arbor, Michigan helps people deal with anxiety about money. But since the pandemic started, she has heard more about guilt than fear.

Several people who still have jobs and financial security felt guilty about having been spared while others suffered.

“What I started to see was survivor guilt,” she said. “They feel like they somehow didn’t deserve what they have.”

1 Guilt People experiencing a form of financial survivor's guilt may feel sad or even hopeless. They may have obsessive thoughts, wondering why they were spared or what they might have done differently to protect others.

One reason people feel survivor’s guilt is because we’re hard-wired to want justice and fairness, says certified financial planner Edward Coambs, a marriage and family therapist.

“Like, how is it fair that I still have my job but this segment of the market no longer has their job?” Coambs says.

Those going through it can experience self-shaming, where they feel that it isn’t OK to have money, jobs or opportunities that are denied to others. At the extreme, they may give away too much, volunteer to be furloughed or otherwise put themselves at financial risk because they feel guilty.

2 Coping A more productive approach is to look for sensible ways to help others. That may be working at a food bank, donating to a cause or helping someone update their resume.

“Some level of service, some level of giving back tends to help us feel better,” Bryan-Podvin said.

But be careful about going overboard. Some people may rush in with referrals and networking suggestions when a jobless friend is still in shock and just needs an empathetic listener.

3 Gratitude Another way to cope with financial survivor’s guilt is to start noticing and appreciating the positives in your life. Research shows that keeping a gratitude journal or just contemplating what you’re grateful for can lower stress, improve sleep and make relationships better.

Feeling bummed out about layoffs and economic turmoil is normal, but experiencing sadness and guilt for weeks at a time is not. If you can’t sleep, get too distracted to work or keep forgetting important things, consider getting professional help.