Boyfriend shows true colors after lung cancer diagnosis

Dear Abby: I have been with the same guy for 27 years. We never married, were both married before, and I wasn’t into doing it again. I have stuck by him through sickness, hard times and whatever else.

Four months ago I was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer. This week I walked in on him having sex with some woman. I feel hurt, angry, sad. It’s like, why? Do you think he has been doing this and he just got caught?

I didn’t say anything. I just left. He called me later and said it was over between us because I’m sick and “can’t do anything.” I’m in shock. I have always been there for him. So why, now that I’m sick and I need him the most, has he turned his back on me? — Blindsided In Ohio

Dear Blindsided: I am so, so sorry that you had to find out this way that the man you have been involved with isn’t much of a man after all. I do think he has been doing this all these years.

It is time to marshal your friends and family and let them know what’s going on. If you have been a caring and supportive, they should be supportive during this challenging time. The American Cancer Society also has support groups if you need someone to talk to. Its website is cancer. org. You are in my thoughts and prayers for both a spiritual and physical recovery.

Dear Abby: My family is getting torn apart by my older brother’s issue with me. He seems to be upset with how my life is progressing, and to upset me, he has been copying everything I do. He got married around the same time I did. He also got a dog right after I did, bought a car right after me and decided to start a family as soon as my wife and I announced we are expecting.

My parents constantly make excuses about why his actions are justified. I no longer know what to do. I tried to reconcile with him, but he rebuffed me and says he hates me. I don’t want to be around my family anymore because they defend him on everything, despite the facts. What should I do? — Sad Sibling In New Jersey

Dear Sibling: I find it hard to believe that your family would side with a sibling who declares he “hates” his brother and refuses attempts to reconcile. It’s important for your mental health that you separate emotionally from your brother. By that I mean dial back the resentment, live your life with your wife and child and stop obsessing about what your brother does. That he literally follows in your footsteps shows he either admires the choices you make, or that he has no imagination of his own. Neither of these should be a problem for you.