Convention of crazies

As I was passing through the house the other day, I noticed my wife had the TV on one of those 24/7 news channels with five minutes of real news and 55 minutes of biased pot-stirring for the rest of each hour.

They were interviewing a white militia group interested in government control, and in the next segment a Black militia group interested in government control, and then a Ku Klux Klan guy who just liked the hats. Then the perfect solution came to me.

All of these groups — the white militia, Black militia, Ku Klux Klan, Proud Boys, skinheads, Nazis, QAnon and holy war enthusiasts — should have a convention. The best place would be the old part of downtown Dallas. Plenty of B&Bs and huge vacant lots to park their rocket launchers and all-terrain vehicles. They would decide on one big war which we might call The Civil/ Race-Baiting/Take Over the Government/Holy War, and the winner gets to run the country. We could set this up at some neutral site … say, Greenland. No, better yet … Siberia. Vlad would most likely love to host this event. All of our “righteously fine people” could take their face paint, camo, body armor, plenty of ammo, AK-47s, AR-15s, their buffalo hats and plenty of bottled water. ESPN2 could cover the event, and of course, the NRA could be the commercial sponsor.

What a win-win! These groups could set up camp and commence to wiping themselves from the face of the planet, leaving us normal people alone. The next time someone saw them it would be archaeologists rediscovering them with a couple of mammoths and a wholly rhino. Meanwhile back at home, the only people with weapons capable of killing, say, 150 people in 60 seconds would be the Army, Navy, Air Force and Marines, and the only guns we would need are to hunt deer, ducks, squirrels and rabbits. Oh, and skeet. I hear that’s a trendy thing now.

WADE GREEN

Camden