Marriage is not in the future for man with divorce in his past

Dear Abby: I’m a single mom. I have been with a man for almost four years. He went through a bad divorce, so anytime I try to mention marriage, he gets upset. I’m unsure what to do or how to respond anymore.

I know my kids aren’t his, so he owes us nothing, but I need more stability and the assurance that if something were to happen to him, we would be OK. So what do I do? — Mystified In Minnesota

Dear Mystified: Talk to your significant other. Keep the conversation calm and tell him what you wrote to me. Add to it that after four years, he should know by now what your needs are and that he can trust you — but you need stability for your kids’ sakes and your own. If he can’t bring himself to make another trip to the altar, a trip to a lawyer’s office might yield an agreement that meets your needs and his. If he refuses to consider it, then you should move on.

Dear Abby: I attend a Bible study. The man who teaches it is very gifted, but he spends more and more time on anecdotal stories about his past in the business world. Some of us drive long distances to his class. When we broached the subject, he got an attitude. He told us to “suck it up and get used to it.”

How can we get across to him that we love his Bible teaching, but we don’t want to hear all his backstory stuff, especially since many of us have heard these stories over and over? — Loves The Good Book

Dear Loves: What this teacher has told you is that he has no intention of changing his routine. Because his patter doesn’t entertain you and interferes with your enlightenment, as well as other members of the class, let those who are willing to tolerate his blather continue his Bible study and business course, while the rest of you move forward with another, less egotistical instructor.

Dear Abby: I’m getting older and have more money than I need. My husband and I want to give to our nieces, nephews and some cousins who we know are struggling financially. Do you have any suggestions on how to do this without being insulting?

Some of the nieces are quite well off, while others are a car repair away from not being able to pay their mortgage. Giving the same amounts seems fair in one way, but their needs are very different. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. —

Helping Our Own In New Hampshire

Dear Helping: This is something you should discuss with your financial adviser or attorney. Your reasoning is sound, but unequal bequests can be problematic for the recipients in the long run.