Aunt ready to offer marriage advice to childless niece

Dear Abby: My niece “Jane” is married to “John,” who doesn’t want children. Before she met John, Jane always loved children. She says he was traumatized by the his parents’ divorce. John’s father told him often that he and his siblings were the reason.

John refuses to have a vasectomy, despite the fact he doesn’t want children, and insists Jane use an IUD. I think it’s the height of selfishness. Three of my friends married men who didn’t want children. They all divorced. The men married younger women and all of them have children. My girlfriends express extreme bitterness over being childless.

I’m afraid Jane will meet this same fate. Should I talk to her about my concerns? What do you think about John’s unwillingness to get a vasectomy? — Disagreeing In Dallas

Dear Disagreeing: What John’s father did by denying his own part in his divorce and placing the blame on his children was unconscionable. It was also a lie. Parents cause divorce, not children.

If you want to maintain a close relationship with your beloved niece, you should not only not meddle in her marriage, but also keep your nose out of their sex life. John may be unwilling to have a vasectomy not because he is selfish, but because he is afraid of the pain (the procedure is not painless) or because he mistakenly fears it will make him “less of a man.” But, ultimately, he should take the necessary steps to prevent a pregnancy, because he’s the one who wants to remain childless.

Dear Abby: I was raised to think drugs are bad. Now, I live in a state where marijuana is legal, but I don’t have any interest in doing it.

I invited my on-again, offagain long-distance boyfriend to visit. He says he has every intention of getting high, despite knowing my stance and discomfort. He says marijuana helped him recover from surgery and he just wants to get high. We clearly have two different opinions that will likely never be the same.

Is there any hope for us or should we go back to being strictly friends? He said I can retract my invitation to visit if I choose. Do I allow him to visit and get high, or move on? I just don’t understand the lure of marijuana. — Confused In Colorado

Dear Confused: If your on-again, off-again boyfriend is unwilling or unable to respect your wishes, recognize that what is a small problem now may take on larger proportions as you continue your involvement with him. Much has been written about marijuana, both pro and con. If you haven’t already done so, it might benefit you to go online and read some of the current research. After that, if you still feel as strongly as you do, retract the invitation.