Woman faces uncertainty in marriage, health and future

Dear Abby: I’ve been married for 14 years and have two kids. Our youngest is 11. For the last nine years, it has been a loveless marriage. He works a lot, but when he’s home, I stay in my room. The only thing we do together is eat dinner. Our kids are thriving, and I worry that leaving will hurt them. Should I wait until our youngest graduates?

I am 47 and have multiple sclerosis that is slowly progressing. I do not have family and friends for support. Will I be more lonely if I leave? The thought of divorce is overwhelming, but I feel like life is passing me by. — Living In Limbo In Missouri Dear Living: I wish you had mentioned what created a rift between you and your husband nine years ago. If it was your diagnosis, it is truly regrettable. Have you tried talking about this with a marriage and family therapist? If the answer is no, you should.

I am concerned about the degree of isolation you are feeling. The National Multiple Sclerosis Society (nationalmssociety.org) offers virtual and in-person support groups that might benefit you greatly.

Divorcing one’s spouse is not a guarantee that one’s loneliness will end, as many divorced women and men can attest. The National MS Society may be able to provide what you need right now.

Dear Abby: My husband and I are expecting our first child. We are over the moon, and have lots of support from family and friends near and far. My husband’s family lives in another state and need to fly to visit us. His parents are separated, and elderly.

I love his mother, but I have an issue with her best friend, “Myra.” Myra has always been passive-aggressive. She makes things difficult and makes rude, snide comments. My mother-in-law plans to travel to meet the baby, but she wants Myra to come with her.

After the exhaustion of delivering a baby and any postpartum aftermath, plus the desire to keep our circle small due to covid, I don’t want to see Myra in the first few months after delivery. I have no issues with my mother-in-law, and don’t want to prohibit her from seeing her new grandbaby. But she refuses to travel alone. Am I going too far in saying I won’t be up for visiting with her friend? — Pregnant In Pennsylvania

Dear Pregnant: I don’t think you are going too far. You have the right to control who enters your home. Tell your mother-in-law you would welcome her to see the baby, but Myra isn’t welcome and will have to make other plans while Grandma visits.

If she asks why, tell her the truth — that Myra is negative and snide, and you don’t want to deal with that while you are feeling vulnerable. If she can’t agree, tell her you and her son will visit her when the baby is older, but you will make sure she has plenty of pictures and videos in the meantime.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069 or visit www.DearAbby.com