Handling BIG Emotions

It’s a familiar situation for any parent – something we’d think of as a minor inconvenience or a slight letdown turns into a full-blown crisis for our kids. Whether they respond with tears or tantrum, things that seem small to us can be very big to a child.

One of the reasons for this is that young children are still learning how to manage their emotions. As parents and caregivers, we can help guide the children in our lives and equip them with the tools they need to process big feelings.

Help kids:

1 Name the emotion. If we don’t recognize we’re thirsty, we probably won’t reach for our water. The same is true of emotions – if we don’t recognize them, we can’t take the next step to process them or express them in a healthy and productive way. Even if it’s obvious to you that your child is mad because their friend took their toy, it might not be obvious to them. Help your child name the emotion they are experiencing. 2 Acknowledge the emotion. Give your child a chance to claim that emotion (“I’m frustrated right now”) and help them notice how it makes them feel. Is their heart beating extra fast? Are their muscles tight? Do they feel a little hot? This not only helps your child recognize the emotion but it also begins to take their focus away from the emotion’s cause, paving the way for our Step 3.

3 Calm down. Help your child find what a nondestructive way to get their feelings out. That might be deep breathing or listening to calming music. Remember to give age-appropriate options. Older kids might go for a walk, while little ones might find it helpful to stomp their feet.

4 Think it out. Talk it out. Once your child has had a chance to cool down, help them think through what led to the emotion and what they can do to work through it.

The goal is not to teach kids to not show emotion, but to teach them how to express their emotions in healthy ways. This might look different at different ages.

While stomping feet might be a good solution for a toddler, it might be less appropriate for an older child. And if you ever think your child’s “big emotions” might be pointing to a bigger problem, talk to your child’s pediatrician for guidance. We’re always here to partner with you in raising healthy kids, from birth until all they’re all grown up.

Visit freemanhealth.com/pediatrics for more information about pediatric services at Freeman Health System. You can also visit healthchildren.org for more information about American Association of Pediatrics recommendations.