Teen son struggles after family’s move to new state

Dear Abby: Because of frustration with our state’s covid restrictions and our teen’s struggles with remote learning, we moved to another state. At first, our son was excited to move (we kept asking him to make sure). But we are now nearly through the school year and he still hasn’t made friends. He’s depressed and wants to move back.

He plays a sport and has a part-time job, but neither have helped. My husband and I love it here and our son loves everything except his lack of a social life (beyond texting, FaceTiming and playing video games with his old friends).

We work from home, so we could return to our original state for him to finish his last two years of high school. He’s always been social, so we’re surprised he hasn’t made new friends. Should he keep trying? Or is moving back for two years the best for his (and our) mental well-being? — Wants The Best For Him

Dear Wants: Moving during one’s teens isn’t easy because cliques have already formed. Before packing bags, talk with your son’s teachers about why he’s had problems integrating. They may be able to offer some insight.

If they can’t, and you are prepared to make the move when the term is over, do it. Being treated as an outcast isn’t good for anyone’s mental health, and while it might benefit your son to learn to adapt, he might do better academically if you put him in a friendly environment.

Dear Abby: I have two sons who are 13 months apart. The younger, age 44, constantly and viciously degrades his brother in texts. His anger level is so high that on Christmas Eve two years ago, while he was visiting from another state with his wife, he said, “F—- this family!” and stalked out, leaving his wife, my husband and me stunned.

Since then, his wife has divorced him, he’s been rear-ended in a car wreck due to road rage, lost his job and alienated himself from our family. Online research I’ve done indicates he’s narcissistic. Last month, I texted him my concern that he’d walked off his job, which unleashed an angry tirade against his brother and me.

Everything is our fault, and he badmouths his ex-wife mercilessly. He’s an adult, so I can’t force him to seek mental health help. Is there anything I can do? We no longer communicate, but a mother can’t erase love and concern for her child. — Worn Out In Wyoming

Dear Worn Out: Your son is deeply troubled, and for that you have my sympathy. For the sake of your own mental health, I strongly recommend you consult a mental health professional. You can’t diagnose your son’s problem, and neither can I. You also can’t force him into therapy before he’s ready to admit that he needs it. Please don’t wait to do this. I know you are hurting. Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother,Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069 or visit www.DearAbby.com