The hits keep coming

And the benches keep clearing

“There is one word in America that says it all, and that one word is: You Never Know.” — Joaquin Andujar, four-time MLB All Star

Americans love a conspiracy theory. The fake moonshot. Black helicopters. UFOs. Before all that, fluoridation was a communist plot!

Combine our hankering for conspiracy theories with our love of sports, and you quickly remember that “fan” is short for “fanatic.” And most conspiracy theories don’t stand up.

Except the ones involving the refs purposely botching calls against the Razorback football teams over the years. Everybody knows that to be true.

You might have noticed something strange in the MLB box scores this spring. Batters keep getting hit by pitches, and baseball players keep getting into fights about it.

Actually, it might be better said that some batters are getting hit. Mainly batters for the New York Mets.

After a while, batters get tired of it and charge the mound. Then somebody takes a swing at a pitcher. Then the catcher jumps on somebody’s back. And the next thing you know, players from both dugouts are playing slap-fight between home plate and the mound. (Very few of these turn into Nolan Ryan pounding Robin Ventura circa 1993.)

It stings getting hit in the elbow or backside with a 95-mph fastball. But if college players can take it, and take their base, then grown-ups ought to be able to do so.

The problem, or one of the problems, is that the Mets keep getting hit in the head. Taking a fastball to the head isn’t part of the game. It isn’t being “plunked.” Even with helmets, baseballs hitting near the brain are dangerous. And the Mets are complaining.

They have been hit by pitches in 19 of 20 games. Including three times Tuesday night. Players have been left bruised, with bloody lips, and one guy had a tooth chipped.

Some Mets players and fans blame Major League Baseball. They blame a lack of consistency in baseballs. And a crackdown on substances used to grip the ball. And something about baseball clubs holding baseballs in humidors.

“The MLB has a very big problem with the baseballs. They’re bad,” the Mets’ Chris Bassitt said. “Everyone knows it. Every pitcher in the league knows it. They’re bad. They don’t care. The MLB doesn’t give a damn about it. They don’t care. We’ve told them there are problems with them. They don’t care.”

Except the league does care. And it’s investigating and analyzing trends — or so the league office says in press releases.

For the record, we note that the players for the Mets have been getting hit on 3-2 pitches. And when the bases are loaded, driving in runs. It’s not happening on purpose.

The Pittsburgh Pirates have yet to be hit in the batter’s box. Sports Illustrated reports that, despite the problems in New York, the rate of hit-by-pitches per team is the same as last year.

Exactly the same. Conclusion: It’s all dumb luck. It’ll eventually even out. Probably.

You never know.