Man’s true colors shock his longtime girlfriend

Dear Abby: I am a 58-yearold, never-married woman with a 22-year blue-collar career. I own a home and will retire with great benefits.

I recently ended a relationship with a man I’ve known since childhood. I truly love him, but he was stealing from me. I confronted him, but finally had to involve the police. Now, he’s flattened my tires and dented my cars.

Is there more than one right person for everyone? How long will it take me to recover from a broken heart? His vandalism and my huge financial loss keep me away from this whack job. How well do you really know anyone? — Disillusioned In Washington Dear Disillusioned:

Inform the police that your ex-boyfriend is retaliating because you reported him. There is no timetable for healing from a broken heart, but it

does happen. I firmly believe there is more than one “right person” for everyone. You do not truly love him. What you love is the fantasy that he’s the only right person for you.

We get to know the significant people in our lives by observing them over a long period of time and watching how they treat others. You should keep your distance from this man because of his vandalism and the money he has cost you, but also because he has uncontrollable anger problems. Surely those character flaws showed themselves before he started acting out on you. Think back on the little things you may have

Dear Abby: My wife and I married as teenagers 40 years ago and many consider us a perfect couple. My wife has had several affairs over the years, some she admitted to and others I have stumbled across. They’ve mostly been physical only, with no emotional attachment. Twenty years ago she had a passionate affair with a younger man. It ended when he broke it off to be with someone else. I didn’t know about it at the time.

A year ago, she found out he’s single again and invited him back into her life. Now, she’s openly seeing him. She tells me they’re “just friends” and she “needs his company because only he understands her.” If he had a better job and financial outlook, she would leave me in a minute.

I can’t stand the thought of losing her, but I also can’t keep playing second fiddle. She refuses counseling because she thinks it isn’t a problem. Should I give her more time or file for divorce? — Confused In Illinois

Dear Confused: You’ve given your wife enough time. She refuses counseling and you believe she would leave you in a minute if he made more money. That means she’s staying with you only because of the lifestyle you provide. There should be some counseling for you, to give you insight and support as you contemplate divorce.