Wife believes her social life is none of husband’s business

Dear Abby: My wife and I have been together for 26 years. I’m old school — no social media, although I do follow sports on Twitter. My wife, however, is all into it. My issue is, she thinks it’s OK for her social life to be private. I don’t think there should be any secrets between us, and I feel uncomfortable about this.

I saw something that, from my standpoint, is out of bounds for a married woman. When I asked about it, she said it’s private and has nothing to do with me. I’m wondering if this is the hill I will die on. Touching her phone would be a major crime. But my phone is open and she knows all my passwords to it as well as the computer. I’m thinking the openness is one-way, and it’s not working for me. Am I an idiot? — OneWay In New Jersey

Dear One-Way: You’re not an idiot. You are a husband who suspects his wife may be doing something nefarious because she has become secretive. Trust has become an issue. While I don’t think this is the hill you will die on, it may be the one your marriage dies on. Without trust, there can be no marriage.

Because you and your wife can no longer communicate effectively, offer some counseling. If she agrees, it may save your marriage. If she doesn’t, then go without her to help you figure out what your next steps should be.

Dear Abby: I am a mother of three children, ages 14, 10 and 1. My oldest children were born while I was actively addicted to drugs and alcohol. They were 6 and 2 when I got sober. Due to my past, they lived with their father. We never went to court; we decided custody on our own.

Three years ago, I married my amazing husband. The next year my daughter decided to move in with us. She lived with us for two years and was planning on doing so again this school year. Three days before she was to move in, she decided to remain with her father in another state.

I know his side of the family has always made her feel guilty for leaving there, and I feel like they worked on her all summer. I’m heartbroken, but I refuse to stoop to their level and make her feel guilty. I’m proud of my daughter for being strong to make this decision, but I just can’t help but feel like I’ve done something wrong. They are well taken care of at their father’s house, but there are eight kids there, and I don’t feel she will get enough attention. — Hurting Heart In Louisiana Dear Hurting Heart:

Don’t beat yourself up over something you “might” have done. Ask your daughter why she chose to stay with her father. It’s a fair question if asked in a nonconfrontational way. The answer may be as simple as she formed some new friendships. Then, allow this scenario to play out. It’s possible that next year she may want to return to you.