Mom suspects daughter’s boyfriend of cheating

Dear Abby: My 19-yearold daughter is pregnant. This is her first boyfriend, and she is smitten. He’s asked her to marry him, and we are happy for her, but there is one thing we have a hard time with: I think he is cheating on her.

They live with us, so I can see the signs — he says he’s working late, and several times even told her he had to work all night. He’s always on his phone, and he never lets her see it. He keeps it on silent and face down. When he gets a text message, he immediately says he has to go to the bathroom. Then he stays in there for about a half-hour.

I’ve tried talking to her about what I’m seeing, but she gets mad at me. She says she trusts him and insists he would never cheat It’s painful to watch this happening to her. Should I keep mentioning it or let her learn on her own? — Knows All Too Well

Dear Knows: You have already brought it up. Your daughter should not rush into marriage just because she is pregnant, if that’s her intention. Because her boyfriend is living with you, he’s likely not mature or financially stable enough to be married to anyone. (What do his parents think about this?)

I was tempted to advise you to hire a private investigator to find out if the young man is really working late or all night, but I’m not sure you need to go to that expense. The truth will reveal itself. In the meantime, give your daughter lots of emotional support because she’ll need it.

Dear Abby: I married my high school sweetheart in 1967. After 12 years of marriage, we refinanced our mortgage. During the credit check, I discovered my wife had borrowed $14,000 and opened a secret mailbox in another town to hide it.

She’s refused for 52 years to tell me why. My trust in her was shaken. She had no drinking, gambling or drug problems. I asked her thousands of times what the money was for, and still no answer. Our marriage went downhill, I had an affair, and we separated.

In 1990, we got back together, but it wasn’t the same. The kids were grown, so four years later we divorced. I’m 75 now, remarried 20 years ago, and I still don’t know why she couldn’t tell me the truth to save our marriage. (Abortion keeps popping into my mind.) I think about it daily all these years later. My kids are estranged because all they know is that I had an affair. I will be wondering until my dying day. — Still In The Dark

Dear Still: What your ex-wife needed that money for is anybody’s guess. She may have used it to bail out a friend in trouble. She also could have paid off a blackmailer. The possibilities are so varied that guessing her motive could be a parlor game.

My advice is to let the past stay in the past and don’t worry over something you will never get an answer about. Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother,Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069 or visit www.DearAbby.com