LATE LAUGHS

The Late Show With Stephen Colbert

[Russia is] coming after the U.S. for supporting Ukraine. Yesterday, they launched a devastating cyberattack, temporarily taking down several airport websites. Oh no! Not our airport websites! First thing I do every morning is check my email and then go straight to LaGuardia-Airport. com!

Russia’s not the only one trying to scare the world, because North Korea says their recent missile tests involved “tactical nuclear drills.” For the record, news media, saying that they’re “tactical” nukes doesn’t make it any less terrifying. You’re still making all of us drop a preemptive deuce in our tactical pants.

[Hershel] Walker has been in hot water ever since we found out that ... in 2009, he urged his girlfriend to get an abortion and paid for it — eventually. ... Yesterday we learned the woman had to repeatedly press Walker for funds to pay for it. Ah, so he’s cool with abortion as long as it doesn’t cost him. So, he’s socially Liberal, fiscally Conservative [and a] complete A-hole.

The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

Today [Oct. 10] is Canadian Thanksgiving. It’s just like American Thanksgiving except everyone goes around the table saying what they’re sorry for.

According to a new poll, if the GOP doesn’t win Congress in the midterms, nearly 40% of Republicans will blame election fraud. When they heard the results, 40% of Republicans were like, “That poll was rigged.”

One of the biggest stars in the world, Dwayne Johnson, is on the show tonight [Oct. 12]. I love when Dwayne is here because there’s always a chance that he pulls Kevin Hart out of his pocket.

Our good friend Blake Shelton just announced that after next season he’s leaving “The Voice.” Blake is stepping away from his chair so he can go home and spend more time in his chair.

Jimmy Kimmel Live!

If you haven’t been keeping up with the Jan. 6 hearings so far, here’s a quick recap to get you up to speed: ... It felt a lot like “Game of Thrones” coming back, but instead of dragons roasting people alive, Liz Cheney was doing it.

Remember a couple of weeks ago [when] NASA rammed a spaceship into an asteroid to try to knock it off course? Well, it worked! ... But it really is hard to believe we live in a country where scientists who are smart enough to target and hit an asteroid that’s 11 million miles away live right next door to people who are so dim they think vaccines turn you into a refrigerator magnet.

Late Night With Seth Meyers

Buckingham Palace announced yesterday [Oct. 12] that King Charles’ coronation will take place next year and said that the event will be “rooted in longstanding traditions and pageantry.” You know, the things that drove his son and daughter-inlaw completely out of the country.

Today [Oct. 13] was National No Bra Day, so it looks like Biden hasn’t undone all of Trump’s executive orders.

The Late Late Show with James Cordon

Pro-Russian hackers have now claimed responsibility for taking down U.S. airport websites yesterday. ... I don’t want to give Russian hackers any ideas, but I’m not sure you’d bring this country to its knees by disrupting airport websites. You bring this county to its knees by disrupting food delivery and porn websites.

Have you heard about this new feature on the iPhone 14 that senses when you’re in a potential car crash and calls 9-1-1 for you? Well, there have been multiple reports that the phone calling 9-1-1 is happening when people are riding roller-coasters. ... I like that even the iPhone 14 is like, “Yeah, we need to contact the authorities if you’re an adult at an amusement park.”