Woman will no longer accept relative’s abusive behavior

Dear Abby: I have a sister in-law, “Karen,” no one in my husband’s family likes. She’s rude, insulting and acts like she is better than everyone else. She feels she’s entitled to have family members watch her kids so she can do what she wants. (If you refuse, she drops the kids off at the door.) If confronted about her bad behavior, she claims she has anxiety and depression to make the person feel guilty.

I’m not saying she doesn’t have mental health issues, but I believe she uses them to manipulate others. My motherin-law says to “turn the other cheek,” but I can’t, especially when it comes to her insults.

Many family members side with her out of sympathy, but I can no longer accept her verbal abuse. I need a plan so I won’t lose my temper and say something I’ll regret, but

I’m not sure how to respond respectfully. — Doesn’t Like Conflict In Kentucky

Dear Doesn’t: Do nothing without first warning your in-laws that you have reached your limit. The next time your sister-in-law is rude and insulting, say calmly, “I don’t deserve to be spoken to that way. That’s it for me. I’m leaving.” Then do it. Your husband should back you up on this. And while you’re at it, have him and his family determine whether Karen’s kids are at risk, and act accordingly. Dumping her children on someone’s doorstep seems like child abandonment to me.

Dear Abby: I tell myself every year that I won’t do this again but I do. My husband was married before, and had one daughter who now has two daughters of her own. She has always had the idea she was deprived. I assure you, she was not. Her maternal grandparents thought she hung the moon and showered her with everything. When her mother remarried, she insisted that my husband allow her new husband to adopt her.

Contact with my husband was reestablished when she became of age. I do my best to acknowledge holidays, birthdays, etc., for all of them, but there is never reciprocation, and I’m tired of it.

We have a cordial relationship and see them frequently. It’s as though she thinks we owe her something. I am the one who does everything; my husband couldn’t care less.

How can I end the cycle? My own nephew is the same way. Nary a word of acknowledgment unless he is forced to. I guess my own feelings are the problem. I want to maintain cordial relationships, but I feel like it’s a one-way street. —

At Odds In New York

Dear At Odds: Your stepdaughter and your nephew are adults. Have a mature conversation with both of them and tell them how you feel — that you want to maintain a cordial relationship but it seems one-way. Then turn the other cheek one more time. If they don’t respond, end the cycle. See them often and be cordial. Period.