Secret leads to havoc when family finds out

Dear Abby: I was married to a man whose family always seemed to be in each other’s business. His 18-yearold niece already had two children when she became pregnant again. She hid it from everyone. When she was eight months gone, she came to me and told me she wanted to adopt the baby out to a family who couldn’t have children, because she couldn’t handle raising another child.

She begged me not to tell anyone except my husband (her uncle) and asked me to watch her two kids while she was at the hospital delivering. She also asked to meet the potential adoptive parents at my home and said she planned to have an open adoption without ever telling her parents. I told her she needed to talk with her mother, but she told me she was desperate for help, so I reluctantly agreed.

Two months after giving birth and placing the baby for adoption, she told her family. They became very upset with me. They said I should have told them she was pregnant and that it was my fault they “lost” the child. This ultimately led to my husband divorcing me. To this day, the niece is happy with her decision and participates in the open adoption. Was I wrong to help her and not tell the family? — Confidant In Colorado

Dear Confidant: Your letter proves the truth of the adage, “No good deed goes unpunished.” Your ex-husband’s niece was an adult at the time her third child was born. You were not wrong to help her. That she would betray you after begging for help shows she wasn’t mature enough for the responsibilities of raising another child.

You were not responsible for her baby being adopted — she was. Her parents have transferred their anger and disappointment in her to you. That it resulted in a failed marriage is a shame. I would offer my sympathy, but perhaps you should thank your lucky stars that this family is in the rear-view mirror.

Dear Abby: My neighbors and I live in a beautiful, peaceful community. Most of us are retired. Four of us have dogs, and we enjoy meeting to walk them in the mornings. We never walk before 7:30. Quiet hours in our neighborhood are from 6 p.m. to 7 a.m.

Naturally, we chat as we walk our dogs — at normal voice levels. One of our neighbors likes to sleep until 9 a.m., and he complains that our conversations wake him up. We try to talk softly. But he complains constantly — and nastily — about “the dog walkers.” How can we handle this tactfully? We feel we have the right to enjoy our beautiful neighborhood. — Co-Existing In North Carolina

Dear Co-Existing: Of course you do. But, in the spirit of neighborliness, consider walking in the opposite direction. Or stop chatting near his house and resume once you have passed.