Wife’s online relationships blossom as marriage withers

Dear Abby: I have been married for 37 years to an alcoholic. He is not verbally or physically abusive.

I have been online talking to three men. I think one of them is obsessed with me, and they all say they love me. I know this isn’t going anywhere, but why am I doing this? I don’t know these men at all. I don’t see them in person. Two are supposedly on a ship; the other is in the Army. They don’t know where I live. I have told them I’m older than they are; I’m 66. (They are 37, 47 and 57.)

I know a person can feel alone in a marriage. That’s how I felt for years. Now I just feel like we’re roommates. I’d appreciate any insight you might have about why I’m doing this.

— Living A Soap Opera Dear Living: I suspect you engage in these online relationships because you are lonely and seeking validation that you aren’t receiving from your husband. It is also probably exciting to feel you are attractive to men after living with someone who is uninterested and unresponsive for so many years. It’s sad that you have had to resort to emotional affairs to supply what is missing in your marriage.

Dear Abby: My brother has a debilitating illness that landed him in the hospital. While he was there, he had a birthday. I called him to say “Happy Birthday,” but kept it short because he sounded weak. The next day, I received a scathing text from my sister, fuming that my phone call wasn’t long enough. Her text concluded with, “Just remember, you are healthy and he is sick!”

I was crushed at her words, but also confused because she didn’t bother to tell me he was hospitalized until 10 days had passed. This kind of thing has gone on for years. I was the one who took care of our elderly parents when my siblings couldn’t be bothered. They didn’t even take the time to check in on my husband after he lost his sister unexpectedly.

What I am grappling with is this: Is it time to walk away? I don’t deserve the hurt they are causing. I suppose it’s the age-old question: Would I be better with or without them? Your thoughts, please. — Deeply Wounded In West Virginia

Dear Deeply Wounded: This appears to be another example of the adage “no good deed goes unpunished.” Your question can be answered by simply sitting down and listing the pros and cons of continuing a relationship with your sister. If the “cons” outnumber the “pros,” you will know what to do.