Are you bowling alone?

We all need support

In 2000, Robert Putnam published a book titled “Bowling Alone,” claiming that we have lost community, that we no longer gather as social groups, such as on company bowling teams. At the time, his theory sounded right. However, since the covid pandemic, it’s debatable whether we have actually lost community.

With social media, in addition to Zoom, many of us now stay in frequent contact with people who were previously unavailable. We may have lost some in-person contact, but in other ways we are closer than ever. For many people, their sense of community has actually expanded.

Maintaining community is basic to Quakerism. For us, it is a spiritual necessity. Quakers have no priests or ministers in authority — with no one in control, we are all in control. Thus we need to be cohesive; we need to be in community with each other.

Our Meeting is where we come to know each other in our collective search for Spiritled truth, to discover who we are and where we fit in the larger scheme of things. My Meeting mirrors myself to me, reflects my weaknesses and strengths. Sometimes I don’t like what I see in that reflection and the community supports me to change. I’ve never been chastised; I see the need myself.

We are not meant to meet life’s challenges alone. We need other like-minded individuals who are honest with us while still supporting us. There is risk in living in a bubble of people who agree with us, because we then don’t get the corrective reflection we need, but the encouragement of our group helps us to stay on track, to keep us from jumping the rails. That’s how our non-authoritarian Meeting stays cohesive — we see ourselves in each other and can recognize discordance when it happens.

When we are connected we are accountable to each other.

Churches are certainly not the only groups that serve as a person’s community, as some of them are not open to the challenge of differences. Unfortunately, many churches do not welcome people who are divergent in some way from the “norm.” The Fayetteville Quaker Meeting has been greatly enriched by many people whose lives do not conform to society’s expectations in various ways. We are grateful that they have found us.

In this time of division in our country, being in community can bridge many schisms, allowing us to see other points of view in a safe environment. It would be helpful if churches were to see themselves as filling that role, rather than emphasizing rigid beliefs that separate us. Church attendance has dropped in recent years, and lack of acceptance of differences may be one reason.

I’m fortunate to have a community, but not everyone does. It’s important that we recognize when someone needs support and give it whenever we can, individually. A neighbor, a relative or the cashier at the store may be struggling and needs a friendly word. At that moment, you can be a community of one.