Sister’s illness leads to transplant questions

Dear Amy: My sister is receiving treatment for a chronic illness. Eventually her treatment will cease to be effective without a kidney transplant.

When she was originally diagnosed, five years ago (and from time to time since then), my family and I have expressed our wishes to her to be tested to see if we were transplant matches. She has never provided us with transplant testing information, nor do any of us even know if she is pursuing a transplant. She is a very private person, particularly about her health, and she resents advice or inquiries that she thinks are intrusive.

I accept that she is an adult and can make her own choices regarding her health, and information about it.

I would be devastated if this illness claimed her life, and I have a young son who adores her and whom she adores, not to mention all the family and friends who care about her.

Should I be doing more to advocate for my sister’s life? Dear Sister: You can contact the National Kidney Foundation with questions about kidney disease, donation or transplant, by calling their hotline: (855) 653-2273 or by sending an email to nkfcares@kidney.org.

You can pursue initial information regarding live organ donation without your sister. Then, down the road, if she chooses to pursue a transplant, you will be prepared and informed.

You should not push your sister, but you should be honest with her regarding your own feelings: “I know you are private, and I know our family can be overwhelming, but I want you to know that your favorite nephew and I care so much about you, and I’m waiting in the wings to help you in any way you might want or need.”

Dear Amy: Why the Catholic bashing in your answer about a rabbi nephew who refused to attend a mixed-faith wedding. You noted that in the Catholic church, the list of exclusions to attend is “several items long.” Dear Upset: I responded regarding Catholicism because that is the religion I probably know best, and to punctuate my greater point that many religions create exclusions for witnessing weddings.

Some Catholics will decline to attend weddings considered “invalid” by the church — the most obvious example being a same-sex union.