Leaders don’t argue, they teach
How to deescalate an argument using emotional intelligence
Given today’s political and social environments, it doesn’t take much for a minor disagreement to escalate quickly. With people’s sensitivities at their peak, strong emotions are likely to emerge at the mere mention of certain topics. This unfortunate consequence of the times can drastically alter the nature of essential relationships.
To lead with emotional intelligence is critical in these situations. Some people may not agree with your viewpoint, but many of these relationships play an important role in your life and business. Maintaining a healthy interaction will help to preserve the quality of the relationship. Find your strength and take the high road; it doesn’t mean you’re giving in or sacrificing your values. Redirecting an argument means that you knowhow to set aside your ego to achieve an outcome that serves the higher good.
Remain self-aware
Anger, frustration and other negative emotions will hijack your body. Examples are when breathing becomes shallow, the shoulders and gut tense up, and the brain seems to go haywire with jumbling thoughts and emotions. It takes strength to regain your self-awareness, but your willpower is up to the challenge.
Think aboutwhy your temper is on edge. It’s not so much the situation, but the thoughts you entertain about the conversation. If you feel the need to be right or have feelings of vulnerability, for instance, it’s nearly impossible to remain in control of your temper. Find your confidence and listen without judgment, and try not to take things too personally.
Showrespect
While youmay vehemently disagree with someone, everyone has a right to their opinions. Itmay be a challenge to respect what they say, but remember to respect them as a fellow human being.
Re-establish respect throughout the conversation with statements like, “I appreciate thatwe can discuss our differences.” You might point out that you understand how important the topic is to them, as you feel the sameway.
Establish mutual ground
There is something within every topic that two parties can agree upon, even if it’s based on a broad concept. Youwant to solve a problem, or have a strong economy, or whatever is at the core of your debate. Find that point and concede that you have different ideas of howto get there, but that you both want what’s best.
Foster trust
Peoplewant to be heard and need to trust that they can voice their opinions without consequence. Dismissiveness undermines trust and respect. Direct the conversation toward an environment of mutual trust by asking them to tell you more about a specific point.
Agree to disagree
Differing viewpoints, values, expectations, needs and personalities in general are what make this world work. If everyone were like-minded, therewould be no innovation, balance or growth. As a leader, it’s essential to surround yourself with people who think differently than you.
Learn to appreciate and value diversity rather than force your opinion.
I recently took part in a conversation during which the other party became increasingly frustrated upon learning thatwe didn’t share the same viewpoint.
Rather than matching my friend’s intensity, I chose to neutralize the situation by saying, “You know, John. I think it’s awesome thatwe can discuss our differences respectfully, and maybe even learn something from each other. I know it won’t affect our friendship, which is what’s cool about us.”
John’s tone changed immediately, and the discussion remained amicable.
End the conversation
If your debate partner’s tone continues to escalate, it’s probably best to courteously end the conversation.
Willingness to walk away before too much damage is done is a demonstration of confidence and emotional intelligence.
Put an end to the discussion by saying something like, “John, we both have strong opinions on this topic. Let’s agree to respect that fact and leave it at that.”