BRING ON CHRISTMAS!
2020 has been the year from hell. We need holiday happiness as soon as possible.
When my wife and Iwere shopping for Halloween candy recently, I spied an aisle overflowing with Christmas items— candy canes, lights and, for some reason, a stuffed poop emoji wearing a Santa hat. Now I’ve never felt a particular affinity for holidaythemed poop emojis. And many years, I might roll my eyes at anyone busting out the mistletoe while jack-o’-lanterns are still on display. But not this year. This year, I say: Bring it on.
Seriously, 2020 has been the year from hell. And after months of a pandemic, a wrecked economy and a presidential election straight out of “The Twilight Zone,” I amready to deck the freakin’ halls.
Let Rachel Maddow do playby-play of the ballot-counting while Tucker Carlson fumes. I just want to hear Bing Crosby. Iwant twinkle lights. And snowglobes. Iwant to crank up the A/C, throwa Duraflame log on the fire and have the roastiest, toastiest chestnuts this side of the ever-changing vote count in Georgia. I was working myself into a holiday lather when I decided to share my merry mania withmy
wife.
So I texted her: “I think I might be ready to put up some Christmas decorations.”
“Sure!” she responded.
The exclamation point was encouraging. But as Iwas about to head for the sweltering attic to fetch my winter decorations, she added:
“But you’ll have to ask Cameron.”
If newspaper columns came with sound effects, this is where the music from “Jaws” would start playing.
Cameron ismy daughter. She’s in college. And she is talented, beautiful and smart. I love her dearly. But she is an absolute crank when it comes to premature Christmas decorating. Cameron believes that neither God nor Santa wanted anyone to start celebrating Christmas before December. Cameron is the Krampus of early holiday decorating.
So I picked upmy phone to ask my 20-year-old daughter for permission to decorate my own home, muttering tomyself the whole time.
( I don’t know why I have to ask her. She doesn’t even live here anymore. I’m the Dad, you know.)
“What do you think about putting up Christmas decorations thisweekend?” I asked.
The responsew as swift and merciless:
“As inN ovember 7th?” “Absolutely not.”
Iwas getting ready to plead my case, but the texts kept coming.
“Iwould consider theweekend after Thanksgiving.”
“It’s not even the middle of November yet!!”
I decided I’d rather be yelled at by Tucker Carlson.
See, whatmy daughter didn’t understand is that there is science behind the Christmas spirit. Christmas actually makes your brain feel better.
Don’t take it fromme. I know so little about neuropsychology that I just now had to look up the word “neuropsychology.”
Instead, I turned to the experts at Psychology Today who have written about all the research done on the holiday spirit.
Researchers in Denmark were studying migraines when they noticed that some people’s brains reacted strongly— and happily— to images of Christmas. Subjects would see pictures of twinkling lights or decorated storefronts, and suddenly they’d experience increased blood flow to their sensory motor cortex and parietal lobe.
I guess that’s what happened when I saw the Christmas poo. It triggered tomy parietal lobe.
Nowthat Iwas an expert in nueropsychology and parietal lobes, I decided to explain it all to my wife.
“It’s pronounced puh- ry- ehtuhl,” she responded. Whatever. Researchers concluded they had discovered the “Christmas spirit network in the brain.”
They also discovered that doing Christmas things— like caroling and buying gifts for others— makes people feel better about themselves. “Singing together decreases stress and increases social bonding,” they explained.
OMG. Caroling can solve all the world’s problems! So all we need to do is round up Rachel Maddow, Tucker Carlson, Kellyanne Conway and Al Sharpton for a chorus of “Joy to the World,” and we’ll have peace on earth and goodwill toward all!
Now, obviously Christmas isn’t for everyone. Some people struggle emotionally and financially this time of year. And plenty of people don’t celebrate the holiday at all. (Though some ofmy Jewish neighbors get more jazzed up about Christmas lights and music than some parishioners I’ve shared pews with on Christmas Eve.)
Plus, 2020 has managed to dump on our holidays aswell, thanks to travel and health restrictions that will keep many loved ones apart. For the first time inmy 48 years on this planet, I won’t be fire side with my own parents on Christmas Eve or opening presents alongside them on Christmas morn.
And I won’t lie. That kinda steams my ham.
But 14Maxwells have already made plans to mail presents early and then open them together via Zoom. (The Supreme Court has ruled that presents postmarked by Dec. 24 can still be opened.)
It won’t be the same. But it’s something to look forward to in a year when cheer is desperately needed. And if science tells me I can get that feeling started early by simply hanging some lights this weekend, then that sounds pretty ho-ho-healthy tome … and tomy puh- ry- eh-tuhl lobe.