Family members press for child’s baptism

Dear Amy: I grewup in a conservative Catholic family and went to 12 years of Catholic school. After, I decided to leave the Catholic faith. My husband was raised without a religious background.

Ten months ago, we welcomed our first child and have decided not to have her baptized. My family is very upset.

They saywe don’t have to have her baptized Catholic, and that any nondenominational baptism would be OK with them, how ever my husband and I are just not religious and don’t see the point.

Wewant her to make that decision (if she chooses to) later in life.

My family’s disappointment is really weighing on me and now I’m feeling guilty and a little resentful. The conversation keeps coming up.

Should we just do it?— Catholic Guilt

Dear Catholic Guilt: My siblings and Iwere also never baptized; even though we were raised as churchgoers, my independent mother let her children choose their own faith practice. When I decided to get baptized as a teenager, Iwas proud to make a choice.

Baptism means different things to different denominations but yes, if you baptize a child with clergy present, you are participating in a Christian rite, and if you do not intend to have your child identify as a Christian, you should not do it.

For Catholics, baptism is connected with huge concepts, including original sin and the fate of the soul. If your parents believe that their grandchild’s very soul is at stake, they will continue to push.

You might mollify some by creating a “naming ceremony” for your child. You and your husband could design your own ritual, asking members of both families and special friends to pledge towatch after your child, celebrating your baby’s presence in the greater community and possibly naming “guardians” to be in a special relationship with your child, if something happens to you.

Will this satisfy the family members who are bugging and guilting you about baptism? No, it won’t. In fact, it might offend some. But you would be able to say that you have done exactly as much as you are prepared to do.

You should prepare yourself for more pressure in this regard, but you are the parents and you must act according to your own values.

You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box194, Freeville, NY13068.