Cutest couple, class clown and a competitive year for D.C. superlatives
Last year was a soul-crushing hellscape of a dumpster fire. For sanity’s sake, large chunks of it should be repressed as soon as possible.
The rolling crises did, however, have a clarifying effect on the political scene. Some players rose to meet the moment. Others sank, and therewas no bottom. This sorting should be remembered, especially asmany of these public eminences begin scurrying to rehabilitate their brands. Their 2020 achievements, such as they were, should be memorialized with superlatives that capture who they revealed themselves to be. Think high school yearbook distinctions, only with real-world implications.
Don’t look for President Donald Trump on this list. In a class by himself, hewas deemed ineligible for consideration. The competition would have been grossly unfair with such a dominant force. As for the rest of the swamp… Most Committed Boot licker
Sen. Lindsey Graham Thiswas a hotly contested category, but at the end of the day, no one could outdo the South Carolina Republican. Most Inauthentic
Sen. Kelly Loeffler Talk about a total make over: The Georgia Republican, appointed to her seat last December, morphed from posh, moderate, mainstream suburban-mom bait to bomb-throwing, ball-capwearing, right-wing culture warrior faster than you can say “political opportunism.” Class Clown
Rudy Giuliani The early Trump years had already shifted Rudy’s identity from America’s Mayor to the president’s unhinged apparatchik. But 2020 was when he totally lost the thread, devolving into numerous cautionary tales and internet memes. Therewas his runny hair dye. (Orwas it mascara?) The time he “tucked in his shirt” for Borat’s daughter. The Four Seasons Total Landscaping news conference held near a porn shop and a crematory. The fart. (Go on. Google it.) 2021 can’t come soon enough. Dreamiest
Dr. Anthony Fauci Back in January, whocould have predicted that one of the year’s biggest heartthrobs would be an 80-year-old government immunologist?
Angstiest Sen. Susan Collins Whatever the occasion, the Maine Republican can be counted on to express her deep yet meaningless concern. Cutest Couple
Nancy Pelosi and Steven Mnuchin The House speaker and the Treasury secretary spent so much time and energy hammering out COVID relief deals. Most marriages don’t require that much work. Most Disappointed
Sen. Elizabeth Warren After somuch promise and somany plans, the Massachusetts Democrat didn’t win even the progressive wing of her party, which went for Uncle Bernie.
Most Likely to Sell His Soul for More Power Senate Republican leader Mitch McConnell Kidding, of course. Hemade that transaction ages ago.
Most Likely to Succeed Pete Buttigieg If anyone canmake Infrastructure Week really happen, it will be President-elect Joe Biden’s overachieving, wonk-chic pick to head the Transportation Department.
Most Likely to Stage a Failed Coup Attempt Rep. Louie Gohmert Suing Vice President Mike Pence in a convoluted, last-ditch effort to overturn the election results and keep Trump in office? That’s some next-level sycophancy. Most Clutch Player
Rep. Jim Clyburn It is barely an exaggeration to say that Biden owes his presidency to the well-timed endorsement fromthe dean of South Carolina Democratic politics.
Most Likely to Be the Next ‘Tiger King’ Rep. Matt Gaetz With or without his gas mask, the Trump wannabe is the ultimate Florida Man.
Most Persistent Joe Biden It took a once-in-a-century pandemic and the most appalling incumbent in history, but he finally won the office he’d been eyeing for more than three decades.
Most Obviously Auditioning to Bea Fox News Host Atossup. Kayleigh McEnany, the White House press secretary, has the edge when it comes to execution, but Jenna Ellis, one of the president’s lawyers, gets points for trying so hard.
Most Likely to Be a Character on ‘Succession’ Steven Mnuchin This hopefully will not conflict with his true calling as the next Bond villain. Best Team Player
Sen. Bernie Sanders The Vermont lefty may be shouty and crabby, but he recognized that unifying Democratic voters swiftly andwith minimal squabbling was key to saving the nation froma second Trump term..