COVID-19 risks create friend fracture
Dear Amy: We have had a small group of close-knit friends for several years who we do everything with.
All of our kids play together, even though they go to different schools.
Our kids don’t have the option of online learning, and are attending in-person school. Theirs are home. The families have been staying apart. It’s been hard on us. We have missed them and can’t help but feel left out.
In October, when I included a couple sentences in a group email about our son playing soccer, I received a very angry email reply.
Iwas told how much hearing this news upset my friend, because they have kept their kids home.
She said she didn’t want to hear anything aboutmy kids’ activities.
I apologized, but since then she has ghosted me.
Are we being socially irresponsible? We made the decision on soccer because all the kids inmy son’s class were signed up. We decided the risk of exposure was fairly low.
Is it irresponsible to take any risks in the context of the overall impact of possibly spreading this disease?
I think that is ultimately why my friend is soma dat us. We try to minimize exposure outside the home and we wear masks everywhere, but obviously we haven’t been isolating to the same degree as some.
— Lonely and Ghosted
Dear Lonely: You seem to believe that your friend is judging you as being socially irresponsible for having your son engage in activities.
Idon’t interpret her reaction the sameway. Sheis sequestered with her children. This is such a tender time, surely youcan imagine that your relative privileges make her sad about her family’s situation.
It reminds me of the time Iwas feeling particularly trapped and lonesome (due towork, personal obligations, and financial limits). Someone I love kept posting photos of their extended trip to the Amalfi Coast.
In that case, I could “hide” these postings until Iwas feeling less sensitive and more expansive. In the case of a group email, the recipient can’t excise the lines that make her so envious and sad.
And now let us try to acknowledge one another’s tenderness theway we feel our own and respond with compassion.
I suggest that you keep in touch with your friend. Try to reestablish your previous friendly contact. She and the kids might enjoy receiving letters sent through the mail.