Sibling relationship affected by loan request

Dear Amy: I’m wondering if my brother, “Stan,” has written me off because I wouldn’t loan him money.

In 2015, both of our parents passed away, several months apart.

Stan and I each inherited $20,000. I socked my money away in CDs. I don’t know what Stan did.

He has always had a bad habit of asking female relatives for cash loans and then never repaying them.

About a year after my parents passed, Stan phoned me, asking if I would loan him $30,000. He never said what he wanted the money for.

I told him my money was tied up in certificates of deposit and I’d have to pay a penalty to withdraw the money. (I had no intention of sending him money.)

He sounded miffed and ended the phone call.

Since then, Stan never phones me. Before that last call asking for money, he would call me once a month. Now if I don’t call, I never hear from him.

I make the effort to call him once or twice a year and he seems friendly, but it’s always me making the effort.

Do you think my brother has written me off? — Sad Sister

Dear Sad: The thing about debt is this: It leads to shame, embarrassment, dislocation, and estrangement.

Being in debt is a spiritual, emotional, financial and relational anvil, weighing a person down.

I assure you, if you had loaned your brother $30,000, you would never see the money again and your brother would never again pick up the phone. Fortunately, you have not become part of his debt problem.

As it is, he still picks up the phone when you call. So, keep calling.

He may have a major problem that interferes with his ability to reach out to you. All you owe him is to do your part, which is to like and love him as well as you can.

Dear Amy: The letter from “Painful” about her cheating boyfriend sounded like an old story.

She found incriminating messages on his iPad.

He claimed he’d been hacked. People need to understand something about hacking: Hackers don’t go after individuals - they attack massive companies, banks, governments, etc.

Your comparison of his excuse to “the dog ate my homework,” was right on.

(Although one time, the dog really did eat my homework!) — Computer Savvy

Dear Savvy: You make an excellent point about hacking. Time and time again, when individuals claim to have been hacked it turns out to be a red herring. And like a herring , the claim quickly starts to rot.