Siblings can love (but not like) each other
Dear Amy: After becoming a bornagain Christian, my brother seemed to feel it was his responsibility to be my moral compass. He’s a far-right conservative and never fails to weigh in. He commented that his son’s liberal opinions weren’t valid. For most I roll my eyes and ignore him.
He has now chosen to voice his disapproval of my daughter. Why? Because she is gay.
I’m not sure that it’s worth maintaining a relationship when he keeps thumping me. — Seething Sister
Dear Seething: You can continue to love him, while not condoning HIS lifestyle.
The day you disengage from him, your blood pressure will return to normal. You can start by exploring the “snooze” function.
Dear Amy: I have a dozen grandchildren. Since the first was born, all my grandkids have used a title, “Gee,” for me. I chose it because it’s easy, and doesn’t confuse me with other grandparents and great-grandparents.
One of my daughters lives overseas.
She has two children. Their European grandmother is local.
Lately, via Zoom, my daughter has been referring to me as a mash-up of both grandmother names. To her children, she refers to me as “NannyGee.” But that’s not my name.
If this was an issue with any other children, I’d address it directly. This daughter, though, is provocative, argues unnecessarily, and institutes estrangement. I’m unwilling to rock her boat without good reason.
I’m working very hard to maintain a long-distance relationship with these kids. I’d like to be called by MY name. Can you help me figure this out? — What’s In A Name?
Dear What’s: Your name is not “Gee.” That’s the assigned endearment your American grandchildren use. Your European grandchildren are being prompted to refer to you by that name, with the prefix of “Nanny.” Nanny, like “Nana,” translates to “grandmother,” especially in Britain.
Your daughter is asking them to call you “Grandmother Gee,” It’s an honorific. Given that you mainly know these very young children so far via video, I can see why your daughter prompts them in this way. She is making sure they realize that you are their grandmother, just like the grandmother they see regularly in real life.
It is clear that you have a problematic history with this particular daughter, but my advice is that you should not create or inflate a problem where there shouldn’t be one. Must all of your grandchildren address you identically, and only by the name you choose? I hope not.