Handwritten addresses may not be long for this world

Dear Miss Manners: In the days when human beings sorted the mail and students were taught to write in beautiful script, a hand-addressed envelope was correct.

But now the beleaguered post office depends on computers to read the addresses. I would prefer to receive a thank-you note with a computer-generated label than to have it sent to the wrong address because the computer could not read the chicken scratches on the envelope.

This point of etiquette must change. Typed or computer-printed addresses are now the kindest, and the preference of the U.S. Postal Service. If the address is handwritten, some have suggested that the words be printed, not written in longhand, and that only capital letters be used.

Gentle reader: Even Miss Manners cannot dispute the need for an address to be legible to those responsible for delivering it. The Postal Service does still accept handwritten envelopes, but she sadly acknowledges that this will probably not last — especially as handwriting is rarely taught properly, or at all.

Personally, she will continue to address letters by hand as long as the service will tolerate it. Knowing the pleasure of a rare letter that is not computer-generated, she hopes those who are able will at least not extend the efficiency argument to anything personal that the envelope contains.

Dear Miss Manners: Some months ago, we invited my colleague X to our wedding. I have never been very close with X, but several others at my job are, so X got an invite. That was our first mistake.

Since that time, X had an altercation on the job that resulted in termination. Being very vocal and dramatic, X is now taking legal action. No one at work, least of all myself, supported X’s position. Now, several guests have expressed discomfort at attending my wedding if X will be present, and they are considering backing out.

It seems I have three options to avoid drama — at least at the wedding. 1. Uninvite X, though I see no way that etiquette provides for this; 2. Send X a polite missive allowing a graceful exit, with perhaps a veiled warning about topics to be avoided should X still decide to attend; and 3. Place X at a table distant from anyone from the workplace and hope for the best. Thoughts?

Gentle reader: Option 3. And Miss Manners suggests the children’s table, where X’s drama and potential altercations will be met in kind.

Dear Miss Manners: I had a friend ask where I had purchased a gift so she could return it. When the store wasn’t in her area, she asked if I would return it for her.

It wasn’t the wrong size, and she didn’t already have one. I genuinely thought she would like it, and my feelings were hurt.

When giving gifts, I try to give something that I think the person will like. When receiving a gift, even if it isn’t what I would have chosen for myself, I always thank the person and make a point to try to really enjoy it. Gift receipts are great, but not all stores offer them.

For this person, I guess I’ll be buying gift certificates in the future. But really, gift-giving isn’t a financial exchange; it’s the happy thoughts that matter, isn’t it?

Well, it was. Nowadays, many people seem to think it is an opportunity to order things without having to pay for them, and being able to return them if they do not suit.

A gift certificate is not what Miss Manners would suggest on the next occasion for getting this ungrateful person a present. Rather, it would be a letter humbly acknowledging that your guesses at pleasing your friend have failed, so you can only send your warmest wishes.

Gentle reader:

My friend and I both have babies. When I was at her house and needed to change my baby’s diaper, I asked if I could use her baby’s changing table. She seemed a little surprised, but said yes.

I used my own diapers and wipes, and made sure to leave the area very clean. When I got home, I began to worry that asking to use another baby’s changing station was a faux pas. Thoughts?

Dear Miss Manners:

Gentle reader: That any alternative would have been a far more unpleasant surprise. Nevertheless, Miss Manners suggests that next time you ask your baby to hold it.