Whatever you call it, bullying is wrong
We are puzzled and disappointed by recent suggestions in the Orlando Sentinel that people overuse and misuse the word “bully.” Most of us understand that it’s not gentle teasing, it’s not the right word to complain about your brother taking the last cupcake, and it’s not about kids calling their teacher a rude name behind her back.
Bullying is repeated, unwanted, aggressive behavior that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. As writer Emily Brazelon explains, it’s about one person with more social status lording it over another person, over and over again, to make him or her miserable.
We understand the concern that mislabeling ordinary conflict as bullying clouds the issue. At the same time, one of the most harmful things a teacher or a parent can do is to try to minimize the discomfort of a child whofeels targeted or rejected by peers.
“Just ignore it” is useless advice. Prompting the child to believe that some level of cruelty is acceptable isn’t a good strategy. Asking the child to use another word instead of “bullying” doesn’t diminish the pain.
The tragedy of yet another young life lost to suicide breaks our hearts. It demands that we grown-ups take bullying seriously and do whatever needs to be done to make the world safer for our kids.
Instead of searching for guidance on whether the word “bully” might apply to one particular child’s pain, we need to talk about strategies to reduce that misery. We need to commit ourselves to teaching our kids about the power of peer pressure and peer advocates.
We cannot fully protect any child from hurt feelings and upsetting experiences. But we can teach our children to notice when someone else is feeling left out, to reach out in kindness when a classmate is being taunted, and to use their power to speak up on behalf of others.
That is the core of the Holocaust Center’s UpStanders: Stand UpToBullying initiative. It’s a central lesson of the Holocaust, where a few brave rescuers were willing to save lives in spite of risk to their own safety. It’s what wewant our kids to learn and carry into adulthood.
Whether you call it bullying or just plain unkindness, wewant our kids to know that it’s wrong, and that people whoperpetuate these acts of cruelty should answer for their actions.