Affectionate child nicknames are sometimes hard to discard

They think that they are going to speak to someone in the company’s office. Often after I say the company’s greeting, the caller will ask, “Am I speaking to a real/live person?” They think I am a recording or automated.

What is the correct response to that? Should I just say, “I am not a recording”?

Gentle reader: Any day now, the recorded messages will be saying that.

Miss Manners understands your frustration but is even more attuned to that of your callers. You should not take offense at the question, because they genuinely do not know. A greeting as the company’s answering service, not the company itself, should help.

Dear Miss Manners: Iam caught between two people in a question of holiday meal etiquette. When my mother, the host, asks my longtime boyfriend whether/how he’d like a certain food, and he responds that he doesn’t like something, she reacts with shock.

She drags out her exclamations of surprise, even when she has already been told about a certain food quirk. “I’ve never known anyone who doesn’t like such-and-such!” she cries out. “You want such-andsuch

At our last holiday meal, this made him very uncomfortable, and his conversational skills were somewhat lacking for most of the visit. His subsequent one-word answers, looks of annoyance and little sarcastic witticisms didn’t help.

I feel conflicted. Sometimes being a good guest means taking a few bites of something you don’t really like. But being an adult should mean that you can choose what goes into your body.

It can’t be fun to be a host who knows that one guest won’t eat some of the offerings, but it can’t be fun to be a guest who is asked what he likes, only to be treated like he’s a weirdo when he answers.

I have tried to smooth things over as well as possible. When my mother asks me for holiday meal suggestions, I mention foods my boyfriend will like, and when these awkward back-and-forths take place, I try to distract from my mother’s shock or laugh it off. It occurs to me that for the next meal, I could ask if I can bring a dish or two that I know my boyfriend will like.

I feel like all the pressure is on me to keep everyone happy.

Gentle reader: These people are speaking different languages, and Miss Manners is afraid that you will have to translate.

Your beau understands your mother to be asking for a critique of various dishes, perhaps with the thought of learning his likes and dislikes so she can please him in the future.

This is not the case. Your mother is asking for compliments. That is always a bad idea, and it would be good if you could get her to stop — but Miss Manners does not hold out much hope.

You might head her off if you could persuade your beau to issue a compliment — a general one or, failing that, an enthusiastic response to something he does like.

plain? Oh-kayyy!” To send a question to the Miss Manners team of Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin, go to

or write them c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.