Conflicted bride is in the wrong movie

Dear Amy: I am engaged and have a wedding date set. My fiance is a wonderful, sweet and successful man — a total catch. But I feel nervous. I still keep wishing things had worked out with my old beau, “Jeremy.” We broke up because he didn’t have a stable job or any full-time income and couldn’t ask me to marry him and take on those responsibilities.

My current fiance is successful and I feel empowered working with someone who is equally driven and educated. But I do miss the passion, joy and love I felt with my old beau, who was so much less successful. Jeremy said he wanted to do right by me but couldn’t afford to get engaged.

My current fiance swooped in and before I knew it I was engaged and planning a wedding. If Jeremy was not in a position to take care of me, does that mean he was just the wrong guy? My fiance is the best ever but sometimes I just miss the quiet, simple and sweet joys I shared with Jeremy.

My heart is really torn — do I move forward into a wonderful life waiting for me right now? Or do I wait for something with Jeremy, who might not be able to take care of me?

— Hooked On A Feeling

Dear Hooked: First you need to figure out which movie you’re in. Is it the Julia Roberts movie where she skips from groom to groom, or the one where she lets rich guy Richard Gere climb up her fire escape and take her away in a limo? After you determine which movie you’re in, you should find the remote in the couch cushions and turn off the TV.

Marriage is not a contest wherein various men compete over who can take better care of you. Marriage is (in part) about what you can give — in good times and bad. Each of these prospective grooms might be perfect for you. But you are the problem. You need to figure out how to take care of yourself. If you are at all torn, you are not ready to get married.

Dear Amy: Thank you for your recent column where readers shared their suggestions for how to offer condolences. I found these very helpful — and touching.

— Faithful Reader

Dear Reader: I thought the most helpful suggestion was also so simple: to share a memory of the person who died.