Married woman ponders gym-side fantasy

Dear Amy: I am married to a wonderful, kind and attractive man, but I recently started obsessing over a woman that I see at my gym. I’ve had sexual relationships with women before, but I’ve never had an emotionally intimate relationship with a woman, and I find myself fantasizing about this woman more than just sexually. She doesn’t even know me, and I don’t even know if she’s interested in women. I feel like I’m going crazy. I would never do anything to jeopardize my marriage, but I want to stop obsessing over this woman. I am very much in love with my husband and still attracted to him.

— Obsessed with a Fantasy

Dear Obsessed: I love doughnuts. But my rational mind has decided that I should not have doughnuts, so I decided to change my commute so that I no longer pass Dunkin’ Donuts. After about a week, no more doughnut lust (at least for now). It’s time for you to change gyms. If you have had sexual relationships with women, surely it’s not unusual to have sexual fantasies about a woman now. Most of the time, these fantasies are benign, but when they start disrupting your life and relationships, it means you have some work to do. If you remove yourself from this woman’s orbit but find that you are still obsessed with her (or become obsessed with someone else), you should talk with a therapist.

Dear Amy: I’m an older attractive single woman recently out of a longterm (unmarried) relationship. I met someone; I was still with my partner (although he had already told me he was moving out). Now New Guy and I have been seeing each other on a regular basis. My problem is he has a live-in girlfriend of 20 years. He told me about her midway through the emailing stage of our relationship. She knows about me and encourages him to do what makes him happy. I don’t share this relationship philosophy. I know he’s not going to leave her for me. But I do want someone special in my life. His job is #1; his girlfriend #2; fitness #3; and I’m #4 on his list of priorities. As long as I don’t “rock the boat,” we have wonderful times, but it’s not enough for me.

— Number Four

Dear Four: Nothing against the number 4, but it denotes standing worthy only of a participation trophy. You should end this relationship while you still have a shred of self-esteem and a chance of going for the gold.