Tebow’s diamond bid good for all
Tim Tebow intends to work out for about two dozen MLB teams on Tuesday, hoping to jump-start a new career — and also providing more fodder for his supporters and his detractors.
At the risk of sounding like half of America, I am thrilled we’re just two days away from Tim Tebow’s grand return.
And at the risk of sounding like half of America, I am disgusted we’re just two days away from Tim Tebow’s not-so-grand return.
In case you’ve been locked in a Brazilian gas-station bathroom, Tebow will work out for about two dozen Major League Baseball teams on Tuesday, hoping to jump-start a new career. Scouts will gather somewhere in Los Angeles and the big event will be closed to the public.
ESPN is currently positioning spy satellites over every sandlot in Southern California hoping to get exclusive footage for its new network, ESPN-Tebow. Not that I have any room to make fun because I’m milking this for all it’s worth. Tebow haters should be more thrilled than anyone with his latest career move because chances are he’ll be a complete flop.
I’ve always had a weakness for clean-living people who do nice things for humanity, so I hope Tebow turns into Roy Hobbs .I also believe he has as much chance of making the majors as
Robert Redford. But what’s the harm in trying?
So what if a team signs him to a minor-league contract as a marketing ploy? God forbid if a few thousand people show up in Bluefield, W.Va., to watch a baseball team they otherwise didn’t know existed.
And it’s not as if he’d take up a valuable roster spot. Approximately 6,100 players are in the minor leagues. If Tebow knocks someone down to No. 6,101, that guy was not exactly destined to be the next Mike Trout. The anti-Tebows wonder why a guy who hasn’t done anything athletically in five years deserves more attention than Michael Phelps .As Clint Eastwood told Gene Hackman in “Unforgiven,” “Deserve’s got nothin’ to do with it." Then he shot him in the head. Whether he deserves it or not, people care about Tebow. When word leaked a couple of weeks ago that he was following in
Michael Jordan’s baseball footsteps (though MJ was slightly more successful at his first sport), it became the third-biggest story in the universe.
(No. 1 was Ryan Lochte’s crime saga. No. 2 was erased by
Hillary Clinton, so I can’t tell you what it was but you can be assured it had nothing to do with
Bill Clinton getting $1.5 million to give swimming lessons to an African dictator.)
Is Tebow sincere? Is he deluded? Is he like Kim Kardashian? Let the debate rage. As with his quixotic QB adventures, the only person who could get hurt here is Tebow. That’s why everybody should cheer his return.
If you love to see him succeed, it could be the start of another great adventure. If you love to see him flop, he could be giving you just what you want.
Stud of the week
Bruce Springsteen. Famous for his marathon performances, the Boss played for 3 hours and 52 minutes on Thursday night at MetLife Stadium in New Jersey.
It was his longest concert on U.S. soil. If you don’t think that’s an athletic feat, try it when you’re 66 years old.
Runner-up: The two Mongolian wrestling coaches who stripped to their skivvies to protest an official’s call in an Olympic gold-medal match. It was so entertaining, the IOC should make Irate Coach Protesting an official event in the 2020 Olympics.
Dud of the week
Rangers relief pitcher Jeremy
Jeffress. Getting a DWI was not exceptional, but police said Jeffress urinated in his pants while taking the field sobriety test. That’s like blowing a 13.4 on the breathalyzer embarrassment scale. Jerry’s World
Dallas has had three players suspended for various drugrelated offenses. Then rookie
Ezekiel Elliott was spotted window-shopping in a Seattle marijuana dispensary before Thursday’s preseason game. A disappointed Jerry Jones said, “It’s all part of the learning process."
Next in the process: Learning how to switch urine samples, then how to line up bail after business hours.
In related news (and to balance out the Hillary crack),
Donald Trump “softened" on his immigration stance this past week. He still plans to have Mexico build a wall, but he might allow some Dallas Cowboys to stay in the U.S. if they can prove they haven’t been arrested in at least six months.
Hail to the ‘viktors’
Michigan recruit Aubrey
Solomon, a defensive tackle from Georgia, decommitted last week after he got a card thanking him for attending the Michigan BBQ. The problem was that Solomon didn’t attend, and his first and last names were misspelled on the card.
A stunned Jim Harbaugh tweeted that the card was probably sent by Ohio State’s topsecret oppo-recruit office. Then he reiterated how much it would mean to have "Audrey Stoloman" be a Wolverine.
Lochte image rehab
Speedo and Ralph Lauren were among four sponsors who dropped Ryan Lochte last week, but all was not lost. He signed a deal with Pine Bros. Softish Throat Drops.
Let’s see, you urinate on a wall, tear things up and pretend you’re innocent. If that’s what it takes to get an endorsement deal, my dog should be a millionaire.
Big 12 arm-twisting
Mitt Romney has reportedly been lobbying Big 12 officials to make his alma mater, BYU, an expansion member. The 2012 Republican presidential nominee has been a big critic of the 2016 Republican presidential nominee.
Two thoughts: On behalf of UCF, I hope Florida senators
Marco Rubio and Bill Nelson are putting together an aid package featuring tax breaks, jewelry and unmarked $100 bills for Big 12 presidents.
And if Romney does nothing else, maybe his lobbying will keep the Big 12 from choosing Trump University over UCF.
Jerry’s World II
Jerry Greene fans might recall he had a thing for fantasy football. Today his beloved Bithlo League is holding its annual draft, and for the first time since its inception Jerry won’t be there.
In honor of Jerry, league members plan to throw out a ceremonial hot dog. Then Mike
Bianchi will draft Tim Tebow as his starting quarterback.
Quick hits
Michigan just announced that "Bruce Springlesteen" will play its Homecoming concert this year. ESPN reports that if Tim
Tebow fails at baseball, he will again go into secret workouts and try to win the Kentucky Derby, either as a jockey or a horse.
Speedo has announced it will pay Charlie Weis $1.2 million a year not to wear its bathing suits.