Child's flying phobia keeping his family grounded

Dear Amy: My husband and I have two boys, ages 7 and 4.

The 7-year-old is a great traveler, but the last time we flew on a plane, when he was 5, our older son completely freaked out. I think the sound of the engine and the motion of the takeoff and landing scared him.

He was fine once we were in the air, but to this day he says that he never wants to fly on a plane.

We have been avoiding trips that would involve flying, but we would like to try to take a nice family vacation somewhere farther away again.

Do we just plan something and hope he won't freak out again? Do we try to prepare him for it, or just don't mention anything ahead of time to avoid anxiety about the plane ride? I was thinking of buying noise-cancelling headphones. Please let me know what you would do.

Dear Ready to Travel: Iama former freak-out flier. And I cured myself using "controlled exposure," which is basically the commonsense experience of tackling a fear in stages, while learning about the source of what was causing it. This could work for your son. My fear was triggered by noises (engines accelerating, flaps moving up and down), as well as bumps and shimmying. This is a common experience for less-seasoned fliers.

Your son might be particularly sensitive to loud noises (it might be good to have him assessed for a mild sensory disorder).

Now that he is older, you can show him how planes work, preparing him for some of the sensations of being onboard an aircraft.

The actor and literacy advocate LeVar Burton has a wonderful short film (available on YouTube), where he takes a fearful boy about your son's age on an airplane flight ("A Child's First Time Flying Story"). Watch this with your son. There are also flight-simulation games designed for children. Check them out.

The message to your son should be, "In order to go to fun and faraway places, we're going to fly in a plane. This was scary when you were younger and didn't understand how planes work. But we know you can do this, and we'll help you because we'll be with you the whole time."

Noise-cancelling headphones, deep-breathing techniques and a reassuring adult hand holding onto his will also help.