Friend feels slighted by “big talker.”
Dear Amy: "Don" has been my best friend since junior high school. He moved to the opposite end of the country over a decade ago, but we've stayed close for decades.
Don has always been what I would call a "big talker." He embellishes every story and makes his life seem much bigger than it is. I have always accepted this about him and take his stories with a grain of salt.
Ever since he moved away, he has talked to me about "bringing me there" to work with and/or for him.
After going through a divorce and once my kids finished school, he invited me to his time-share -all expenses paid. While visiting him, he said that any time I wanted a job with the company he worked for, that I should let him know.
I was laid off right before the holidays last year. I was shocked.
I reached out to Don and mentioned his offer. Well, along came the excuses: "No one is in the office around the holidays." "It's slow right now." "Things will pick up later."
I felt incredibly slighted by Don. I thought -- despite his "big talk" -that this offer was legitimate.
Since then, I have dragged my feet answering texts, not taking his calls, etc. I would like to have my friend back, but feel quite betrayed by his lies.
Should I just let this friendship of 35-plus years die? — Sad
Dear Sad: Ghosting a very old friend is not an effective or satisfying way to conduct a friendship, even if your intention is to end it.
You had ample advance notice that your friend "Don" is a blowhard. People like Don talk a big game in order to artificially inflate others' opinions of them. This tendency is most impactful when the stakes are high, and you're relying on him to make good on his word.
I don't blame you for ignoring a lifetime of consistent behavior and red flags in order to try to take Don up on his gold-plated job offer, but surely you knew on some level that he would not come through.
Tell him, "I've got another job now, so I'm OK, but I'm still very disappointed that you dangled job opportunities that never materialized."
He'll blow a lot of hot air in your direction. And then you can decide if his charms and your history together make it worthwhile for you to maintain contact.