22-year-old has rocky relationship with father.
Dear Amy: My father and I have always had a rocky relationship. He punched me, body slammed me and choked me when I was a teenager and living with my parents.
He’s been an alcoholic my whole life. He understands he has an addiction but will argue with anyone who confronts him about it.
I moved out soon after I turned 18 because I couldn’t stand living in the same house as him.
I am now 22, with a baby. I live with my fiance.
I usually spend time with my parents on Saturdays because I don’t work and want to get out of the house.
Last Saturday, my father and I got into an argument, and he ended up throwing my daughter’s stuff into the yard. He proceeded to curse me out.
He has told my mother to not have any contact with me and to not let me into their house.
My dad’s birthday will be coming up in a month, and I do not plan on joining my family for the party. They pressure me to make amends.
Is it wrong of me to distance myself from my family because of something like this? Is it understandable that, until my dad gets help for his alcohol addiction, I do not want to be around him? — The Black Sheep
Dear Black Sheep: You can give your daughter a better childhood than you were granted. Your instincts are great, and I urge you to marshal your strength and resolve to stay away from your family, at least for now.
Rather than spend time with your volatile and violent father, here are some things you can do on Saturday mornings:
Pack your coffee and meet a friend at the park to push your babies in bucket swings; go to your local YWCA or community center for baby swim or gym classes; head to the public library for Saturday story time.
Saturday mornings can be lonely for full-time parents. Engaging in group activities designed for parents and babies are a great way to meet and make friends. This could change your life dramatically.
Here’s one more thing for you to do: Attend Al-anon (or another addiction support group) meetings (al-anon.org). You need help to see where you fit in your family system.
Let people who have walked your path, walk alongside you and your daughter. I'm pulling for you.