Ask Amy: Relative wants to reconcile with addict.

Dear Amy: My cousin’s daughter, who has always been like a niece to me, slipped into an addiction to prescription medication two years ago.

During the period of time when she was addicted, she was working for me and my husband as a house cleaner.

Not surprisingly, money, my husband’s prescription medications and other items went missing from our house.

When this was discovered, we were very upset. We had just hosted her and her children on an all-expenses-paid vacation. She got help, got sober and started working the “steps” of her program.

Although she has apologized to both of us, she seems to have the expectation that this is all that is necessary to make amends. She is behaving as if our relationship should now go on as before. This includes asking us for financial help.

My husband is unambiguously clear — he never wants to have anything to do with her, ever again.

My current contact with her is very circumscribed by my desire to respect my husband’s wishes. We do not live in the same city any longer, so opportunities to see her are extremely limited.

In light of my relationship with her going back to her childhood, I struggle with the issue of whether I am being completely fair to her and her children by putting my husband's feelings and needs first. — Another Family Upended by Addiction Dear Another Family: Your husband isn’t really describing a need. He is simply declaring that his relationship with your cousin is over.

He has every right to insist that someone who has stolen from your household should stay away from the household. But this woman is your relative, and he doesn’t get to dictate the course of your relationship with her and her children.

You cousin’s recovery over her addiction is fairly recent, and if she needs to do more than simply apologize to you, you should let her know. The concept of making amends is an important one in recovery. She needs to work on this. The flip side of amends is forgiveness. This is something for you and your husband to work on.

She should not be hitting you up for money. And if she is able and willing to have a relationship with you without the promise of money, then you should consider ways to do this.