If bride-to-be drops hints, it’s best you pay attention

Dear Miss Manners: My older sister just got engaged, and I’m the maid of honor. I’m very excited to play this role and take seriously my duty of planning a great, classy, fun bachelorette party. She mentioned that she wanted to do a weekend with her friends, but for me to surprise her. Because the wedding is in the fall and she loves the beach, I was looking into a beach weekend where the rates are less expensive.

However, she’s dropped hints about what she “had in her head”— a very cold location with less to do, but one where she went to college and where some of her friends are. I feel it’d be difficult to have fun there for three days. The hostess part of me feels obligated to provide a good time for everyone. Do I go along with the “ideas” of the bride and hope for the best? Or do I ensure a good time for all at an alternate, more entertaining location?

Gentle reader: Your sister has added to the delightful game of “pay for my expensive party” by including a guessing component of what’s in her head. What fun. Miss Manners feels sure that when it comes to picking presents — a time when guessing what will please her should necessarily be a component — this bride wouldn’t dare leave that task to chance.

It seems you’re bound to fail at this task and promote discord either way. At least she has it “in her head” to save her guests money and inconvenience.

That she’s (sort of ) suggesting a party in a town where some of her friends live already virtually assures you and them a better time because it is a place that is more convenient and affordable. Miss Manners suggests that you go with the bride — and request that further wedding plans be made together and upfront. To send a question to the Miss Manners team of Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin, go to missman

ners.com or write them c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.