Mom’s alone, and grown kids don’t come around

Dear Amy: I have three grown children. They are all gainfully employed, with good educations and good relationships. I feel we have a good relationship, and when we are together we seem to have fun.

My husband travels internationally, and is gone frequently. Never once has it ever occurred to any of my children (who live an hour or less away) to call me and ask me to go out to grab a bite to eat, or even to visit.

They are perfectly happy to let me come to them and treat them to a meal, but they never reciprocate. I am 62 and retired. I have activities and friends, but my family is important to me.

I was always involved in all my children's activities. I worked part time but was pretty much a stayat-home mom. I don't want to be that parent that whines to their kids about not spending enough time with me. How do I reverse what I am starting to feel is a one-sided relationship, where I am a very low priority?

Dear Disappointed: Telling your children you want to see them more often doesn't make you whiney, it just makes you a person not yet capable of telepathy.

You can't assume that because you were present for your kids that they will automatically know exactly what you want and need. There's a good chance that they have no idea of the real impact of your husband's frequent travel, because you've always managed so well.

Basically, they don't know what it's like to be you. So you should be more proactive about asking for what you want. You can say, "Guys, I feel like I'm carrying the ball, here. I'd really appreciate it if you would check in more often."

Remind your children when your husband is going to be out of town. Stop enabling them, and ask for -- and expect more -- from them. Dear Amy: Thank you for your compassion and practical advice to "Sad Mama," the widowed mother who was looking for good male influences for her young son. I love it that you suggest theater and music as important outlets for children -- and not only sports.

Dear Fan: Thank you. Arts programs are incredibly important for children. Unfortunately, arts parents don't always yell as loudly as sports parents, and these programs are always at risk of being cut.