School reunion dredges up adolescent emotions

Dear Amy: My 50th high school reunion is coming up.

I've had so much fun catching up with people I haven't seen in decades on our class's social media page.

I'm a married woman and have been writing to both men and women from my graduation class.

One guy I caught up with used to work with me back in the early '70s. Since reconnecting, he and I have shared lots of thoughts via email.

He lives in a different state and told me had a great wife, three kids and five grandchildren. I'm happily married, too.

He was thrilled to be remembered and said he couldn't wait to see me again. We exchanged photos of ourselves posing with our spouses.

He and his wife were in town last month and we three planned to meet for breakfast (my husband couldn't join us because he was working).

He told me that he couldn't wait to hug me! I said I'd hug both him and his wife.

The day before they came here, he backed out.

He then emailed me, saying that he wouldn't want his wife to have a relationship with a man like we've had through email.

What relationship? We never even dated in high school! I expressed my hurt to him. He won't even respond.

Should I take this personally, or just write it off as a possible insecurity on his part? And if they do come to our reunion, I don't know how to approach him.

Dear Hurt: The way I read this, your former classmate is expressing regret that he stepped over the line in terms of communicating privately with you. It seems likely that he developed an attraction to you. It's possible that his wife discovered his communications with you, including his eagerness to hug you.

He is admitting that his feelings and behavior crossed the line, and that if his wife engaged with an old classmate in this way, he would be uncomfortable. He made a mistake and was honest about it.

You should have responded that you understand and appreciate his honesty, not that you are wounded.

High school reunions are like those old petri dishes in bio class, but instead of growing microbes, they are teeming with old feuds, crushes and decades of unexpressed (or long-buried) emotions.