Wife uncovers the truth behind a family bequest

Dear Amy: I’ve been happily married to a wonderful man for the last four years.

My husband has a teenage son from his previous marriage, but we’ve decided not to have kids of our own.

Last week I was boxing up papers from our office and came upon a printout of email correspondence between my father-inlaw and his financial planner. In the email, my father-in-law asked how to ensure that my stepson receives the remainder of my in-laws’ estate after my husband dies.

The financial planner suggested a couple of options, one of which would be using a generation-skipping trust that my husband could draw from while he is alive, but would become my stepson’s upon my husband’s death — regardless of whether or not I am still alive.

I was surprised and hurt by the email.

While I sympathize with my father-in-law’s desire to pass something down to his grandson, it seems cruel and unnecessary to do so by cutting me out completely.

This situation does not seem good for my marriage. Am I wrong to be upset?

Should I ask my husband to talk to his parents about it? I would like to think they did not intend to cut me out of their will.

Dear Anonymous: I understand your father-in-law’s intentions. If your husband dies before you, you will presumably inherit the family home and whatever other assets might be left from your husband’s savings.

If your father-in-law dies and leaves everything to your husband, and then your husband dies and leaves everything to you, and you live for another 30 years using the income you have inherited from both men, your stepson might not receive any inheritance from either his grandfather or his father.

The way I interpret this instruction, your husband doesn’t have to worry about trying to leave something for his son (in addition to you), because his son will already be receiving an inheritance.

You should show this email to your husband and use this as a reason to start your estate planning now. Don’t blame the older gentleman for wanting to provide for his grandson; this money could be used for the young man’s education and would save his father (and you) from that expense.