Nephews grab the grub while others go hungry

Dear Amy: I feel like I should know the answer to my question, but I don't. My sister and I have always been close. We've never had any issues between us, and our parents raised us well (polite, well mannered, etc.).

Now that we're approaching middle-age, she has three boys and I have three girls. Our families are close.

Our father is a great cook! He makes the most wonderful food for family gatherings.

We gather for every major holiday, birthdays and special occasions, and spend a lot of time together.

My nephews are very sweet, but it seems that manners were not high on the list of parentingdos for my sister and her husband.

The boys are not good at sharing and eat as if it is their last meal.

I understand boys may eat more than girls, but does that mean girls should have nothing? The problem happens most with appetizers and desserts. They gobble them up and don't leave enough for others.

I've tried to avoid mentioning it to my sister; she doesn't believe in rules for kids (I think) and I want to respect that.

But I find the gatherings to be very stressful, and I'm surprised because we weren't raised that way. I try to gently remind the boys to be mindful of sharing with the girls, but I don't get through.

What should I do?

Dear Mom: We dealt with a similar dynamic in our family. It wasn't gender-based, but generally in a large group buffet-style meal, the kids crowded to the front and heaped their plates high, leaving the adults with slim(er) pickings. We then simply told all of the children that they would have to serve themselves last.

If these gatherings are at your father's home, you could ask him to serve (or have an adult serve) the children, and to reinforce the polite rule that no one should serve themselves "seconds" before everyone else had enjoyed their first portion.

You could also say to your nephews, "Guys, I know this is delicious, but we need to make sure that there is enough for everyone." As their aunt, you should feel comfortable gently policing this without stepping over the line with their parents.

You needn't lecture them or their parents, or frame this as a matter of politeness, necessarily, but one of quantity, portions, and fairness.