Husband’s iPhone addiction leaves wife lonely

Dear Amy: My husband of many years is addicted to his iPhone. It goes everywhere with him and has his undivided attention. There was once a time that this was necessary for his work. I understood and did not mind, but it is no longer a necessity for his work, and his time on this device has me concerned.

Over the past year, it has gotten out of hand.

I do not believe there is another romantic involvement here, but he is just always staring at his phone, whether we are at a restaurant, watching TV, or in bed.

The first thing he reaches for when he wakes up is his phone, and it will be the last thing he does before he goes to sleep.

I have tried numerous times to speak with him about how lonely I am to have him always on the phone, but he thinks I’m trying to control his enjoyment of reading articles or interacting on social media.

We are a working couple, soon approaching retirement. I’m worried about what he will be like then. — Unplugged

Dear Unplugged: Smartphone addiction is real, and many users (including myself ) struggle with the impact that their usage is having on their life.

You could qualify your husband’s constant use as an addiction because it is having a negative impact on his relationship with you (and likely other people in his life).

One way I measure usage is to imagine the smartphone as a book or newspaper. Would you take a book or newspaper to bed or into the bathroom? Possibly. Would (or should) you read a book or newspaper while driving 65 mph down the highway, while out at dinner with your spouse and friends, or while walking through the woods? No.

There are very practical ways to control smartphone usage that your husband could try, starting with deleting social media apps from his phone (he could still check on a laptop), or turning off notifications. He should leave it face down, turned off, or in another room during meals. There are apps (ironically) that will help a person track and control their usage.

None of these suggestions will make any impact on your life unless your husband recognizes this as a problem and decides to address it. You can write Amy Dickinson at askamy@tribune.com or by mail to: Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.