Ask Amy: Mom’s aimless dating may be bad for kids.
Dear Amy: I am a male. My best female friend is a divorced mother of two. Her kids are a preteen and an adolescent — a boy and a girl.
My friend considers herself to be at fault for her divorce, even though her ex was a horrible human being (though not physically abusive).
My friend is very lonely. She is going out of her way to make sure that her kids have a male “father figure” in their lives. She does this almost to a fault. I have tried telling her that she is enough, that the kids truly do love her, and that those of us around her are more than glad to pick up the slack, but it often falls on deaf ears.
I believe that a lot of aimless dating isn’t really doing much good for her, or them.
Is there any way she can be convinced that what she has is adequate and healthy for her kids and that she should concentrate more on herself? — Worried Friend
Dear Worried: You’re right — aimless dating because of loneliness, guilt, or desperation is not good for your friend or her children. Having positive male role models in their lives is definitely good for the kids, but having various men passing through the family as your friend searches for her next partner is confusing, and doesn’t help the young siblings to grasp positive relationship values.
The optimal thing for families stumbling through transitions is for the kids to have a loving relationship with both of their parents — even if the parents have split — and for all parties to settle down into a daily reality that is stable and balanced.
Spend time with your friend and her children, and urge her (privately) to relax into her new reality and help her children to enjoy their life as it is, now. You and other male friends and family members should be a positive presence in the life of this family.
Dear Amy: I 100 percent disagree with your snarky answer to “Caught in the Middle,” who was wrestling with a dilemma over hiring a contractor with a Trump bumper sticker on his truck. I polled friends on this, and we all fell into the “chase him off the property” category. —Appalled
Dear Appalled: This attitude is nothing to be proud of. You can write Amy Dickinson at askamy@tribune.com or by mail to: Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.