Husband is looking for love in all the wrong places

Dear Amy: My life is lacking in love. I have felt empty inside for many, many years. I have been married for a long time, but my wife is content with our platonic relationship. Not only do we rarely touch, but she has very little interest in me and my life. Before we married, I had several failed relationships (they cheated on me).

As long as I can remember, I've filled this void in my soul with pornography. Now, besides porn, I meet women through online sites for body rubs, just so I can feel the touch of someone and feel wanted for a few minutes. There are times I feel suicidal. Divorce is a last resort because we have children (who are now adults). I see no solution to my situation and could use your advice. Dear Lonely: You paint a landscape filled with sadness, and I am very sorry. I completely understand the need for physical touch and emotional nurturing, but I am urging you to use some of the funds you spend on erotic massage to see a therapist -- preferably a male counselor who specializes in sexual dysfunction. You should also be screened for depression. This sort of deep dive into your past could have a transformative and lasting impact on you.

I fail to see the reasoning behind staying in a loveless marriage when your offspring are grown. I assume your children are somewhat aware of your depression and your relationship with their mother; they might be relieved if you two decided to part. I assume your wife would also be relieved. It is impossible for her to connect sexually with someone addicted to pornography; surely you understand that this is an unhealthy situation for both of you.

If you feel trapped in an escalating cycle of porn use (and it sounds as if you do), many readers have recommended the support group Sexaholics Anonymous, which appears to function on a "12-step" principle, with the goal of "sexual sobriety." The group has meetings in every state. Check SA.org for a meeting near you.

Dear Amy: I smiled when I read the letter from "Tattoo Hater," the mother who was offended by her middle-aged daughter's tattoos. Just for that mother's information, I am 75 and just got my first tattoo of a horsehead on my leg. My grandson took me to the tattoo parlor, and I love it!

Dear Pat: Rock on with your bad self!