If servers’ piercings drive appetite away, dine elsewhere

She (an attractive woman in her late 40s) was swiping her credit card when I noticed the man on the opposite side of the pump, a well-groomed man in his 60s, watching her with a smile.

When she turned to lift the pump nozzle, he quickly stepped forward and said, “May I?” in a courtly tone. She was taken aback, then recovered, thanked him sincerely, rounded the vehicle and got in out of the heat. I heard him ask, “Fill it up?” as she stepped away, and she replied, “Yes, please,” before shutting her car door.

I was somewhat taken aback, as it seemed clear to me that he offered to pump so she could avoid sullying her hands but didn’t expect to be left out in the heat without a bit of chitchat.

She maintained that he likely offered to spare her from the heat, and if so, what was the point of standing outside while he pumped? But, following my observation, she did begrudgingly exit the car and root in the trunk on some pretext, giving herself another opportunity to thank him. He graciously replied, and that was that; we all drove away.

Miss Manners, what would you have made of the same circumstances?

This car probably has a window. A compromise would have been for your sister to lower it and express her thanks then.

But Miss Manners shares her distaste for your implication that an act of gallantry must be met with one of flirtation. budget could afford, and we were also set on taking a honeymoon that neither of us had in our first attempts at marriage. Finally, landing on a destination wedding seemed to make things right by us, yet I need to make sure I don’t exclude all who have shown us love and support over the years.

Additionally, many have expressed an interest in making contributions toward our destination wedding, which they can do online.

How do I include such a reference, when it will simply be an announcement and not a “save the date” or an invitation? I don’t want to appear needy or inappropriate, but I also don’t want to disregard the wishes of those who’ve expressed such.

A short vocabulary review is in order. A destination wedding is one in which the guests are invited to a location that is chosen for its charms to the couple, rather than for any association with them or their families. If no guests are invited, it is called an elopement.

A wedding announcement cannot be confused with an invitation or a save-the-date notice because it is sent after the wedding.

Miss Manners hopes that this is helpful because she refuses to assist you in soliciting funds for your trip. People who have expressed the wish to contribute deserve to be thanked individually, which is when you can tell them how to do it.