Couple in for wedding ‘Groundhog Day’

Dear Amy: Should we relinquish control of our wedding if we aren’t paying for it? My husband and I got married last month. It was a small, intimate wedding with just our close friends and family. It was a one-of-a-kind wedding that was very unique to us. We loved it.

My mother-in-law, though, wasn’t quite so thrilled. It wasn’t traditional enough. It wasn’t big enough. And it didn’t have every single extended friend and family member in attendance. Now, she’s booked us another venue and is paying for a second wedding in their hometown. Since this is several states away from us and we aren’t going to be able to visit before the ceremony, they are planning everything without us.

Originally, we were OK with this. We know that weddings aren’t just about us and want to be able to include close friends and family that couldn’t make it to our first ceremony.

Things are spiraling out of control. They’ve stopped including us in the decisions and are nitpicking any requests we do make. They’ve invited more than 100 people. There are bridesmaids and groomsmen. There’s another aisle to walk down and an officiant. There’s a band and a photo booth. There are invitations and color schemes and decorations that are ... not our style at all. We’ve tried to tell them that we want final say on everything. But is that selfish? We just had the wedding of our dreams. Should we let the family have the wedding of theirs?

Dear Confused: You are already married. I repeat. You are already married. If your in-laws want to throw a big fancy reception or party for you, that’s great. Band, flowers, photo booth, the whole schmear, but you are already married. You should not agree to participate in this repeat ceremony. Why? Because you don’t want to. You should thank them for their generosity and let them throw whatever party they want to throw, but put your foot down about what you will and will not do regarding participating in a dog-and-pony wedding show and/or religious ceremony for your mother-in-law’s benefit.

Dear Amy: I loved your answer to “Mother,” who walked in on her son in a sexually intimate moment with his (male) friend. You are so right. No matter the sexuality, no young adult wants their mother to know this much about them, or, God forbid, witness it.

Dear Mom: This mother couldn’t seem to unsee this or stop talking about it.