Should dad smoke pot in front of children?

Dear Amy: I am the father of a boy and a girl, ages 9 and 11.

I live in Colorado, and smoke marijuana. I did not start smoking regularly until it was legal here.

My kids do not know that I smoke pot, but they are not stupid -- my eyes may be red, or the smell may linger when I come in from smoking in the garage.

I do not smoke in the house or out in the open for the kids or anyone else to see.

I've come to a crossroads, however, and I'm not sure what to do if the kids ask me about it. I feel it is important to be honest. My wife thinks I should protect them from thinking that their father is doing drugs.

I tell my wife that it's like alcohol, and should only be used when you're older and the brain has fully developed.

But she continues to insist that I should lie.

What I am doing is not illegal. I can't imagine I am the only person dealing with such an issue, with so much legalization going on around the country.

What do you think about this? —Unsure Dear Unsure: The awkwardness of explaining various (unhealthy) habits to children has inspired many people to rethink these habits. If you are too embarrassed to do this openly, then perhaps you shouldn't do it at all.

All the same, I agree (with you) that you should not lie to your kids. First of all, I assure you that they already know what you are doing out in the garage. Adolescents have an incredible Spidey sense for what their parents are up to, and they look at a parent's choice to lie for clues about how to conduct themselves when they are doing something risky.

Your behavior is a legal adult activity, and I suggest that you leave the garage and perhaps step onto the porch to smoke, and face the music head on. (Obviously, you don't want to expose your children to second-hand smoke.) Your kids may beg you to stop, much as I begged my father to stop chain-smoking Camels when I was a kid (he didn't stop).

Parents who drink alcohol often do so in front of their children, with the understanding and reinforcement that this is adult behavior.

You and your wife should continue to talk about this. What are you like after you've smoked? Are you loopy or checked out? She may not enjoy "high Dad" as much as you think she should.